Tag Archives: ADD/ADHD

Shortish List of Steps for Writing A Novel.

Posted on by

 

This month’s blog post is going to be a little bit more nuts and bolts on how to write a book. There are numerous books that list steps for writing a novel. Many of them, while well-meaning simplify the process beyond to the point of being unrealistic.  Going forward I will post more technical blog post for steps in the fiction writing process.  Some steps will overlap with non-fiction and memoir. I’ll point out where the steps diverge and offer practical tips for those steps as well.

This is my list of steps for writing a fiction book. * Keep in mind this is my list. Your list may/will vary once you finish your first book. For most writers it is a process that they refine as they improve at the craft, the most important part of all of it is to start, keep what works for you and discard the rest. * This is a short list, but each step in the list is a project itself. Going forward I will explore each of these steps in longer blog posts with links and how-tos for each one.

  1. Idea. This is the kernel of thought that grows into a novel. It can be anything, an overhead sentence, a fragment of a song, a video clip, a person you see/meet, or a dream, anything really. The ideas I’ve found most worthwhile to investigate and expand on are the ones that stick around.  Keep a small notebook or other means of recording record these snippets of ideas, so you never run out of things to write about.
  2. Expansion of the Idea. This is where you take the time to work through the initial idea and ask what if questions. Identify/create your main characters. This is where some folks get bogged down, deciding they don’t know enough to write about their idea and spend all of their time doing research for their novel. My advice is this, novels are ultimately about people and their interactions, no matter what type of novel you are writing. Do enough research to get started, to give you a rough idea of what details you may need later in revisions but set a time limit for your research and stick to it. You can come back later and fix things during revisions.
  3. Pre-writing: Character sheets, Goal, Motivation, and Conflict sheets. Plotting/ Scene list/outline. Decide on the length of your story. Set a deadline. If you haven’t downloaded my character workbook you can get it here: (https://dl.bookfunnel.com/ofxxsx32dj)
  4. Write first draft.

             4a. Once you have completed your first draft, celebrate!

              4b. Set the draft aside for one to two weeks (seriously do not look at it!).

  1. Read over first draft. make revision notes about structure, dialogue, plot, character ARCs and setting/description, also any research that needs to be done to fix things and add in details.
  2. This is where you fix all the problems from the first draft and refine your manuscript. Use your notes to fix plot holes, repetitive words, and add in or correct details from your research.

                 6a. Send draft to beta readers if using them. Work on the next project while waiting for their suggestions.

                 6b. Start the next project! Why start the next project now?  Three reasons: 1. So you don’t sit around and freak out about the what ifs surrounding your book while it is out to your beta readers or copy editor. 2. So that you can remind yourself that you are a writer and writers write. 3. Once you have your book out on submission, if the publisher, acquiring editor, or agent replies, “I like this, what else do you have?” you will be ready to take advantage of their interest.

              6c. Review beta suggestions, change things if you need/want to.

  1. Edit final draft.
  2. Read one more time. Send to your proofreader if you are using one.
  3. Format for Submission * Indie publisher this is when you format for the various vendors.
  4. Submit to editor, publisher, or agent. *Indie publisher this is when you publish.
  5. START NEW PROJECT! Not kidding here, iIf you didn’t start the next project before do it now! See the reasons under 6b for why you need to get back to writing.

This is not a definitive list but it is a place to start. Once you have written a book or two or three you will have your own list. Treat this list as a way to get started and break what is a large undertaking into manageable stages/activities/journey markers. This list focuses on the fiction writing process because most of the people who have asked for my advice or help with writing have been fiction writers and was generated for people who are considering submitting their work to an agent, publisher, or acquiring editor. I have indie published a small amount of my work and am not an expert on the process.

 Luckily for folks who want to indie publish there are many more steps that go into this list. There are websites that have a ton of free information on how to indie publish and what steps you should follow to indie publish your manuscript. Here are three that I have used and value the information they provide.

Joanna Penn’s website (https://www.thecreativepenn.com) is loaded with free information. The folks at the The Creative Academy for Writers offer many events, writing sprints, craft workshops, and helpful workshops for indie and traditional writers and you can find them here: https://creativeacademyforwriters.com .  The 20books to 50K Facebook group is also chock full of information,  https://www.facebook.com/groups/20Booksto50k/ .

Writing a book is marathon. For folks with ADD/ADHD and other mental health challenges, it can feel like scaling a mountain just to get yourself to sit down and write. My goal is to offer suggestions that will work for folks that struggle with organization, executive function, and motivation. So many folks burn themselves out treating it like a sprint or they give up before they start because their brains do not function like everyone else.

My goal in presenting these topics each month is get you to the place where you’re ready to send your polished finish manuscript off to an agent, or an editor require a publishing house or you’re ready to go enter the steps that you would take to indie publish.

These are some helpful tools/websites/books for you to explore. Full disclosure: Some of these are affiliate links and I get a small commission if you use the link, it does not affect the price you pay for the item or service.

 Scrivener (https://www.literatureandlatte.com/)  I love Scrivener. It has a learning curve but it also has multiple tools that help me keep track of all my scattered thoughts and ideas that eventually become a book. It has helped my process more than anything else I have invested in since I started writing.

 Learn Scrivener Fast (https://murphy.krtra.com/t/6hyUmVf9MYlF)   The best investment I have made in my writing career. This course helps you get the most from Scrivener and Joseph’s teaching style is wonderful. Use the code on the first page for a discount.

Goal, Motivation, and Conflict by Debra Dixon. (http://www.debradixon.com) Conflict is story, and Debra Dixon’s Goal Motivation and Conflict is one of the best writing books I have ever read. She offers free tools on her website that will get you started with knowing your characters on a deeper level, and crafting story arcs that will keep your readers turning pages.

Scrappy Rough Draft by Donna Baker. ( https://www.amazon.com/Scrappy-Rough-Draft-strategically-motivate-ebook/dp/B07XNK536B/ ) : This book is the one to read if you are struggling with getting yourself to start. Full of great ideas and motivation treat yourself to this book that feels like your bestie is right there beside your chair cheering you on as you write.

Build Better Characters by Eileen Cook. (https://www.amazon.com/Build-Better-Characters-psychology-backstory-ebook/dp/B07XN1VJ6T/ )  Compelling characters and their change/growth are an essential part of fiction. Elaine’s book helps you get to the nuts and bolts of why your characters do the things they do. Chock full of helpful worksheets and ideas, this book is well worth your time.

Make A Scene by Jordan Rosenfeld. (https://www.amazon.com/Make-Scene-Revised-Expanded-Powerful-ebook/dp/B077KGM44N/)  This book radically changed how I develop my storylines. A book is a collection of scenes and this book lays out how to string your scenes together to have your readers anxious to read what comes next. The best book in my opinion if you are struggling with the infamous “show don’t tell” writing advice. For those of us who are freaking out at the idea of writing an entire book (all those words!), working scene by scene helps with perspective. On those days I struggle overwhelm, I can remind myself I can move the novel forward one scene at a time.

I hope you will find some or all of these resources helpful,

 until next time

 Brenda.

Four Tips for Managing Temporal Distortion

Posted on by

Temporal distortion sounds like the name of an 80s indie rock band, but it is a genuine part of having ADD/ADHD and other mental health challenges that affect our attention. Time for folks who don’t deal with these challenges experience time as a liner event. It just is. Sure, they may seek to manage, organize, or make the best use of it, but very few systems address handling time when your perception it is not like everyone else’s. Temporal distortion can take several forms. Here are three types of temporal distortion.

Hyperfocus is that state of being where time stops for the person who experiences it. It’s those times when whatever you’re doing becomes so consuming that you forget to eat, drink, or go to the toilet because you are so focused. While it can be a positive issue in some cases, in that you may be very productive, it can also create massive problems if you neglect yourself or your family because you let everything go when you are in the groove. 

Contrast this to time exaggeration. It usually occurs when we have to do something that doesn’t grab our attention. It’s as if time is going in reverse. It takes f-o-r-e-v-e-r and a day. This is a symptom of time exaggeration. We exaggerate estimations of the time required to complete a task. We convince ourselves it will take hours, so we don’t even start to work on the task believing we will never finish it.

And finally, what I like to call time evaporation. It occurs on those days we sit down to write, with hours of unscheduled time ahead of us, a blissful infrequent occurrence and a luxury. We then sabotage ourselves by opening a browser to research just one thing. We lie to ourselves that it will only take a few minutes. We fall down the internet rabbit hole, and when we come out, we’ve eight ideas for new stories, learned more about an obscure topic than anyone needs to know, and our writing time has evaporated. 

So, how do we create an environment that can help us improve our perceptions of time so we can get some writing done? Here are my top four tips for preventing/minimizing temporal distortion.

  1. Hyperfocus: Set alarms to combat hyperfocus: Set a timer is the traditional advice for interrupting yourself so you remember to eat, pick up your kids, or whatever crucial thing you may forget to do if you get into your work. However, alarms only work if you don’t ignore them. For folks with attention issues, not responding to and ignoring alarms is not purposeful. Folks in hyperfocus don’t hear or see the world around them. We miss flights, bus, and train stops because we don’t hear the announcements. We lose track of time and miss appointments because we don’t hear the alarm. So alarms may work or not work for you.  For essential things, like picking my kids up from school or meetings, I set my phone alarms with labels so that when it goes off, it does two things, not only does it interrupt me, but it also reminds me why the alarm is occurring, because, in the fog of hyperfocus, it is possible to forget why you need to stop, even for things that are reoccurring like picking up your kids or regular appointments. I also place my phone in a location that forces me to get up from my desk to silence it, put the volume up as high as it will go and set it for an obnoxious sound so that it breaks through my focus. Your mileage may vary but this one thing has worked dramatically for me, in that I can relax and enjoy in my flow state without worrying I am going to miss something important. 
  2. Time Exaggeration: Time yourself doing tasks you dread. I hate folding clothes. Truly hate it. But I hate it a lot less after I timed myself doing it. Taking my time and using our largest laundry basket doesn’t take me more than fifteen minutes. And that is freeing because I know that no matter what, it will not take me more than a quarter of an hour to finish the task. So I can schedule it. Combining it with a labeled alarm means I don’t leave laundry in the washer for days (ugh) and don’t have to dig through a basket of unfolded clothes for the least wrinkled shirt to wear. How does this help with writing? For those things you hate to do, like editing, revisions, or proofreading, time yourself editing a page, keeping in mind that copy editing and story revisions will be different than proofreading. Knowing, on average, how long it takes you to do a task means you can stop procrastinating because you “don’t have time.” You can make the most effective use of your time by scheduling them. It is a way to get through the tasks you don’t like so that you can get on with the ones you prefer instead of fretting about not doing things you hate.
  3. Time Evaporation: One task at a time. If you set time aside for writing, write. No research, mood board creation, character worksheets, or whatever is allowed. Put words on the page. All the other writing adjacent tasks are not writing. The hard truth is that unless you get the words out of your head and on the page, you are not writing, and you will not finish your project. Research, character development worksheets, mood boards, and outlining are all important, but you can become so involved in prewriting tasks you never get to the writing part because, let’s be honest, they are more fun. How to stop yourself from wandering away from your writing? Schedule prewriting tasks separately from drafting. Use an app like Focus (https://apps.apple.com/us/app/focus-time-management/id777233759?mt=12) or Freedom (https://freedom.to) to block access to the internet and other distractions. If you come to a place in your writing and you decide you need to research a topic, or have a question, make a note of it, put it in brackets into the text, and get on with your writing. Preventing distractions can also be as simple as setting your phone to do not disturb, turning it off, or putting it in another room. Numerous studies have shown that mentally switching between tasks requiring different thought processes is ineffective. Multitasking is a myth unless it involves using your body/mind for tasks: like listening to an audiobook while running or answering email while on a stationary bike. 
  4. Create an environment that supports your writing. Do you like to work in chaos? Or does it not matter if you are locked in? I confess to being able to write in just about any place or situation if I have music and headphones. Once I start writing, I don’t notice anything else visually. I realize that for most folks, this may not be possible. I have many friends who can’t write if their kitchen needs cleaning or their house or desk is messy. For those folks, prioritizing creating an environment that supports your writing is vital. Start by listing what your ideal writing space would be. Dream, and let your imagination run wild. After creating your wish list for your perfect writing space, look at the list and figure out what you can do to make it happen realistically. I wrote at a tea shop for years, I would drop my kids at school, and at least three days a week, I would go to Tempelton’s tea shop in my little town and write for 2-3 hours. Over four years, I wrote 12 books in that shop because being there meant I didn’t have anything that distracted me. I treated it like an office. The rent was the price of a pot of tea and a scone. The owners were terrific, and I miss them dearly as they moved back to Scotland a few years ago. After the shop closed, I struggled to get into a groove again. Panic set in as my routine was disrupted. I feared not being able to write as effectively had been. I sat down and made a list of why working at the tea shop worked for me. The bottom line was that I didn’t have to get up to make individual cups of tea, the shop didn’t have windows, and I worked with headphones. All of those things were achievable at home. I purchased a thermal carafe and turned my desk to face the wall. The bonus for this change was more time to write as I reduced commuting time as my house was closer to the school. Nothing lasts forever, and now whenever my routine is disrupted (looking at you pandemic and homeschooling) I go back to list-making and rethinking the situation, focusing on the question: how can I make this work? Check out this video by Struthless (https://youtube.com/watch?v=ikz3ECL5NEk&feature=shares) about your environments and its effect on your art/work/life.

If you are struggling with temporal distortion, I hope these suggestions help you find ways effectively use your writing time. I’ll be back with the next post in this series. Dealing with Disruptions: Two-Legged and Four-Legged.

 

And So It Begins

Posted on by

February starts tomorrow. Where I live, it is the longest, shortest, coldest, cloudiest month of the year. It is my least favorite month. This year instead of wallowing in my usual February funk I’ve decided to actively change my attitude toward February. I doubt it will ever replace August as my favorite month, but maybe by the end of the next 28 days, we will be cordial. One of my new year goals was to expand my writing repertoire so this month I’m writing a novella. It is a new length of fiction for me, and my first paranormal story. The story has been banging around in my head since last spring, so it feels incredible to let my characters loose on the page.
The other change I am planning this month is breaking up with my phone. Why? Because my screen time tracking app numbers appalled me. I spend enough time on my phone some weeks for it to qualify as a part-time job. As a writer, I love connecting with readers, as a reader I love connecting with other readers and geeking out over books. But I also want to make sure that I’m not drowning my sorrows in my phone, chasing little hits of endorphins, the way some folks pursue alcohol or drugs. ADHD folks have higher rates of addiction to alcohol and substances than the general population and are at a higher risk for screen/technology addiction.  As part of my self-care this month I’m going to change the way I interact my phone and adopt more healthy habits.

I found a fantastic book to help me with my phone addiction. How to Break Up with Your Phone by Catherine Price is the how-to book I’ve needed to make the break with my device. Price approaches the process of phone addiction with charm, wit, and facts to back up and support her suggestions for mindful use of our phones. She is not a zealot or Luddite. Price has a realistic outlook when it comes to the convenience of smartphones and does not recommend or suggest that you switch to a flip phone and head off into the wilderness unless that is what you want to do.

The beauty of her approach is her myriad of sound suggestions of how to practice mindfulness while using our technology. Catherine Price offers actionable recommendations and a plan to follow to make sure that way you interact with your phone fits your life and is designed by you, not app designers using the best brain hacking technology money can buy to have you staring at your screen instead of your family.

I encourage you to evaluate the time you spend with your phone, to decide if your interactions are positive and support your goals. I have a long list of items to accomplish this year, and I know I have to make some changes in how I use my time if I am going to achieve them. My first step is to make sure time spent on my phone is time I’ve chosen to allocate instead of merely being sucked into the vortex of apps designed to keep me tied to my screen, oblivious to the world and distracted from my goals. For the next month I’m going to follow the steps outlined in How to Break Up With Your Phone and work on my phone habit. Wish me luck and if you decide to join me, drop a comment here. I’ll post a follow up in March.

Brenda Murphy writes short fiction and novels. She loves tattoos and sideshows and yes, those are her monkeys.  When she is not loitering at her local tea shop and writing, she wrangles two kids, one dog, and an unrepentant parrot.  She reviews books, blogs about life as a writer with ADHD and publishes photographs on her blog Writing While Distracted. You can find her on Facebook by clicking here.  Sign Up for her email list here  www.brendalmurphy.com

Books available at

Amazon 

NineStar Press

Knotted Legacy

Both Ends of the Whip

ONE  

Sum of the Whole 

Dominique and Other Stories 

 

Focus: When All the Good Things Happen at Once

Posted on by

IMG_5466 It has been a while since I posted about staying on track with ADHD/ADD. I have been working on many projects and in the way that life goes many of their timelines overlap. I wrote here about keeping track of projects and it still is a great system but I did not anticipate the impact working with others can have on your project timelines.

Receiving a revise and resubmit, request for a professional report, and/or a proposal for an amazing project can derail the best time manager. For individuals with distraction issues time management is a constant struggle, add family responsibilities, the day job, and travel to the mix and you have a classic recipe for disaster, missed deadlines, wicked stress and sleepless nights.

Here are ten steps for dealing with positive overwhelm, staying on track and working towards your goals.

  1. Take at least fifteen minutes and breathe, get outside if you can. Your goal here is to reset and let your adrenal glands chill for a moment. If you really want to do it right take thirty minutes. And yes this part is necessary for step two.
  2. Make a list. Brain dump every little thing that is swirling around in your brain. I use poster size paper and sharpies for this, you do you and use whatever you like to get everything out of your head.
  3. Add deadlines to all the things. All of the scraps of paper and post it notes with dates on them, gather them up and get it all of it in one place.
  4. Now look at the list. Are there things you can let go? Or postpone? Let them go or reschedule. Be honest here with yourself. Your goal is to focus on those things that you must do to accomplish your long term goals.
  5. That planner/wall calendar/app you paid good money for and then abandoned? Get it out. Now add the new things, update the old things and add all the due dates.
  6. This is hard part. Choose what you have to give up to get all the things done. Even with the best time management system it is impossible to do all the things. That GoT addiction? Binge watching your favorite show may have to go. Do not give up your exercise program. Oh you already did? See the next step.
  7. Start taking at least fifteen minute every day to move. Dance, walk, jog, yoga, weeding the flower bed, whatever gets the blood flowing to your brain. If you want to go really crazy go for thirty minutes.
  8. Traveling in the midst of everything? Make a list of what you need to take with you to complete or work on your project. Talk with your family/traveling partners. Let them know what you need and come to some agreement about your work time. Be firm. Be realistic. While a family reunion might be great for story ideas, trying to complete a revise and resubmit between rounds of horseshoes/drinking beer/ and scarfing down Great Aunt Millie’s potato salad will most likely end in frustration.
  9. Step back and breathe again. Good things happening can be as overwhelming as bad things happening. You can do this.
  10. Reread this list and repeat these steps as often as you need to keep yourself on track.

IMG_5445

 

 

 

 

 

Rebalancing Act

Posted on by

IMG_2018

Rebalancing. The act of trying to stay on top of your commitments to yourself and others when your schedule changes. I have written before about why it is so hard for ADD/ADHD individuals to change their routines here. As a parent with ADD/ADHD it is hard enough keeping my own schedule together, let alone the little people in my house. We started using checklists for the kids so that they can help getting us out the door in the morning and into bed at a reasonable time at night. The checklists are working well for them, and after finding myself spinning like the Ferris wheel above trying to get myself out the door one morning I think I need a checklist for me. 

 Balance is really about rebalancing, letting go of what does not work and holding on to what does work. If I don’t take time to examine my schedule and change what is not working, I end up frustrated, and crazed, and not getting anything accomplished. I started out this Fall thinking that I would be able to drop the kids off and head to the pool for a swim workout. I neglected to factor in that there are two aquatic exercise classes for older people scheduled when I planned on swimming, that it resulted in a very crowded locker room, and fewer lanes for lap swimming.

I got so frustrated that I skipped my swimming exercise. After two weeks of blowing off swimming I realized that I just needed to adjust my time. Every exercise recommendation you ever see says to do your exercise first thing in the morning so that you don’t skip it, but for me, the morning is my most creative time, and the pool is too crowded. Instead of just giving up, I tried going after lunch and before I pick up the kids.  It worked, I get my swim time in, I have the locker room to myself, and I am in a better state of mind to deal with after-school-crazy time with my kids.

The willingness to try different ways to accomplish different tasks is key to success for people with ADD/ADHD. Let go of recommendations that do not work for you, and hold on to what works. Exercise really helps me with my focus, but I need to do it when it fits my schedule, not when everyone says you should do it.

This applies to every other task that people have opinions about when and how you should do it. For example almost every book of writing advice ever written advises that you write everyday.  Would that work for me? Nope, after a long shift at my day job I am too burnt out and tired. Write before my shift to get my writing in? Nope, not getting up at four in the morning to put words on paper, although I have stayed up to four in the morning writing when in a groove. What do I do instead of beating myself up about not writing everyday?  I make it count when I do write.  I set goals for word counts. I stick with what works for me.

Two years ago I participated in the madness that is NANOWRIMO (see my post here if you don’t know what NANOWRIMO is) I only had weekdays to write, and only for two hours and forty-five minutes. So I sat down and figured out how many words I had to write each day in that two hours and forty-five minutes to finish.  Did I write everyday? Nope, but I still managed to get fifty thousand words written in twenty days. Find what works and hold on to it, and let go of any advice that does not work for you. Listen to yourself, research, experiment, read and re-balance to find your center.

Be kind to yourself, don’t quit, find what works for you and do it.

IMG_1973

ADHD and Money:The Slow-Cooker Method of Savings

Posted on by

Many ADD/ADHD people are visual people. We struggle with organization because if we loose sight of an object it might as well not exist. So what does that have to do with automatic savings? If you have the money deducted from your paycheck before you see it, you don’t miss it. I am not talking hundreds of dollars to start your savings project. If you are struggling to pay your bills, I am sure right now that you think I have lost my mind, and that you could not possible squeeze another dime out of your paycheck, or you have tried to save a fixed amount each month in the past but have ended up using it to pay bills because you started with too high an amount.

I am talking a small amount. How small? How about ten dollars a paycheck? Twenty dollars if you are paid once a month. Set it up to come out before you get your check. Most people are forced into automatic deposit, and it it very easy to set up a spilt deposit through your employer.
Ten dollars. That is all, less than the price of two fancy coffee drinks, less than two fast food meals, less than two lunches purchased at work. If you have an bank already, but do not have a savings account, open one, make sure it does not have any fees that will eat away at your savings. You can even open an on-line savings account and set it up an automatic transfer to come out of your paycheck.

Now the next step is really important. Do not look at your balance for the next year. That’s right a whole year. If you are nervous about this, have a trusted friend look at your statements for you, or if your partner is more trustworthy about money have them keep track of the balance. After one year, when you look at your balance you will be surprised at how quickly the money added up.

If you are like many ADHD people the impulse to spend it will be great. Do not do it! This is the start of your emergency fund. You know the extra money you are supposed to have sitting in the bank for emergencies? This is the seed. I know that some of you will have read about emergency fund recommendations that are so common in financial self-help books or on the blogs of sites like GoFundMe, stating that you should have three to six months of cash saved in a bank account for emergency needs, before you stop reading and give up because you can not even imagine how that would happen when you just pay the bills now.

In one year you will have $10.00 X 26 = $260.00 that is if you get paid every two weeks and save $10.00 per pay period, or $20.00 X 12 = $240.00 if you get paid once per month. It may seem like a small amount , but it is so much better than nothing. The balance will have also increased because of interest. Interest rates are pretty low right now for savings so I did not include them in the illustration, because the point of it is to prove to yourself that you can save money. It is what I call the slow- cooker method of savings.You just set it up and forget it, and just like a warm home-cooked meal that magically happens when you use a slow-cooker, the money accumulates. If you are feeling bold after the first year, increase the amount you save per month by five or ten dollars.

Many people are so deep in debt that they believe that there must be some great grand secret that everyone else but them heard at birth, and that they are never going to be able to handle their money, get out of debt, save money, or retire. This strategy also works for retirement accounts, set up as a pre-tax percentage. I am sure that there are retirement advisers, and people way better at managing money than I am, screaming right now at this approach. My guess is that they have never had the issues with impulse control, forgetfulness, or holding a steady job that many people with ADD/ADHD have to contend with on a daily basis.

Money issues come with an inner conversation of shame, guilt, embarrassment, and unworthiness about money. Setting up automatic savings can help break the pattern. Try this method, it does work. If you save anything, it is better than saving nothing. Never underestimate the ability of small steps toward a goal, or to prove to yourself that you can accomplish an project. Everyone has to start somewhere, and where you are is the best place to start.

A Reminder: Slow Down

Posted on by

 

I am traveling this week with my family, and decided to re-run this post about taking time to slow down. It is from last October when during a pretty chaotic time.  The winter proved to be just as chaotic and stressful.  If you did not get a chance to read it then here it is:

Taking the Time to Slow Down

Spring! Ohio style.
I will be back next week with a brand new post.

Reminding Myself to Slow Down

Posted on by

Many of my friends posted pictures of their kids going to Homecoming dances this week, and my oldest had a birthday last week and just started a new job that involved a move.  I was reminded that life occasionally feels like you have been shot out of a cannon, and as my oldest friend used to add “without a net”! I know my kids will not always be happy having imaginary train trips on the stairs with all their animal friends. I know that soon the sand box at my mom’s will look like this:

 

And I know that I will look back at the time and wonder where the hell it went.
ADHD people often live life in a blur, we have a great time but sometimes in our rush to get to the next thing we forget to stop, and soak up life,  we are distracted.  Being distracted and busy can interfere with all of our relationships. Establishing respectful communication and listening skills are lessons kids learn best by practice and modeling.
I know if I want my kids to learn how to listen and focus, I need to stop and focus on them when they talk, to really listen, and ask questions if I don’t understand what they are trying to tell me. It is sometimes a struggle when I feel like I need/want to do fifty other things, besides stoping to read a book we have already read a least a hundred times, or listen to them telling me about an event at school.

My goal for myself is to slow down,  remembering to appreciate this time, when boo-boos can still be healed with a kiss. Exploring, getting your hands dirty, and playing are what life is.  I will take the time to do the little things, to ride a magic carpet made of cardboard, to sit in the playhouse and read books, and to stop and dig in the dirt with my kids if that is what they want to do. I can pretend it is for them, but really, it is for me.

Timers-Not just for Cooking

Posted on by
Throw back Timer

Looking back over my posts on how to get things done when you have distraction issues, I talk a lot about using timers. I did not grow up in a home where kitchen timers were used. My mom never used one. I can’t smell the aroma of burnt rice, and not think of my mom. I am not sure when I figured out that the smoke alarm was a poor excuse for a kitchen timer.  I will tell you this: using timers when cooking transformed my kitchen skills.

 For years I used the alarm settings on my digital watch, now I use the timer on my phone because it is loud enough I can hear it over the usual pre-schooler chaos in my house.  A timer does not serve you if you can not hear it.  An added feature of using my phone is the ability to set multiple alarms.

ADD-Friendly Ways to Organize Your Life by J. Kolberg and K. Nadeau (Buy the book here)  has a very good explanation of how using timers assists ADD/ADHD individuals with time/life management. I found this book at a time when I was really struggling with keeping things together, and it remains one of the most helpful books I have ever read.  My copy is well-worn and tabbed. These are some of the ways I learned to use timers and alarms to overcome my distraction issues.

 Cooking. This is the most obvious, and common use for timers.  When I don’t use my phone, I have a kitchen timer that has a clip so you can clip it to your clothes, and take it with you.This is very helpful for those of us who decide in the middle of fixing dinner that some household project needs to be started/finished, etc.  I am really partial to the digital ones that count down from when the alarm goes off so if you can’t get to the oven at the precise moment things are done you know how long it has been since you missed the alarm.

Laundry.  I  use a timer when doing laundry, and this cuts down on the “Damn- how long has this load of laundry been in here?!” factor, and rewashing clothes because you got distracted while doing the laundry. It also keeps the laundry moving, taking advantage of the residual heat in the dryer.

Writing. I use a timer when I do sprints, challenging myself to write 1000 words in one hour,  and when I am breaking up my writing time by devoting set times to different works-in-progress. I also set an alarm to remind me to pick up the kids. This lets me focus on my writing and not worry that I am going to be late picking them up from school. When you only have 2.45 hours of kid-free writing time you have to make every second count.

Cleaning up with the kids. We set the timer and play beat the clock, racing around trying to see who can pick up the most toys. It makes picking up the toys more fun, although it can get pretty competitive and sometimes we have to stop to break up the melee that results.

 Any task that I really do not want to do.  I set the timer for ten minutes and give myself permission to quit after ten minutes if I want to do something else. Most often, I get over myself and just finish the dang thing because I want to get it over with after I started it.

Exercise. I set the timer when I exercise so that I can focus on the exercise itself.  There are some great exercise program apps that have timers built in. Using a timer instead of counting reps for exercises allows you to work at your own pace, and tailor the workout to your fitness level. These programs also are body weight programs and do not require equipment. My favorite apps are The Seven Minute Workout (free) ,  and YAYOG ( You Are Your Own Gym- $).

There are many timers on the market for people with ADD/ADHD.  For children, these are wearable timers that look, and function like a digital watch, with the added benefit of vibration so the alarm can be discreet, and kids can wear them to school. The Watchminder is also marketed to adults/seniors. Using timers with kids can decrease the parent nag/kid resist behavior loop.

 Wearable timers designed for use by adults/kids have the ability to set multiple alarms, some also function as count-down timers, and stop watches.  These timers are great to use with kids too young to use phones, non-smart phone users, kids/adults whose phones are a distraction, and kids/adults that work in environments that do not allow cell phones.

Using timers with kids with distraction issues, organizational issues, or  ADD/ADHD is a great way to help them focus, learn to monitor their own behavior, and teach them ways to overcome their distraction issues.  Learning self-management is a great self-esteem booster for kids. For parents, using timers with kids decreases parent stress by letting kids take responsibility for their behavior.

Learning to use timers changed my life in very positive ways.  Timers decrease stress in my life. If you haven’t tried using timers, experiment with them. See if they make a difference for you.

Geeky but functional.