What to do when you don’t know what to do

February is difficult for me. It is always cold, cloudy, snowy, icy, and/or rainy. I struggle with grief as it is the anniversary month of several deaths, both family, and friends. I struggle to find my center and don’t know what to do with myself. I usually cope by writing, immersing myself in a world of my own making, where no one dies unless I want them to. This year my timing is a bit off because of some health issues I had in December. So I’m at the brainstorming part of my next book but not ready to write. I haven’t known what to do with my grief, anger, overwhelm, anxiety and stress. I found the answer in an article about resilience. As a parent, I want to model resilience for my kids so they will have an understanding of how to cope with life.  I tell my kids all the time. Don’t worry about things you can’t control. Do your best with the things you can control.

I took my own advice and I made two lists: Things I Can’t Control, and a list of Things I Can Control. Here are some of my entries: I can’t control the weather, other people’s behavior, time, space, the events of the world, or reviewers (for the authors out there). I can control what I eat, what I read, what I listen to, what I do with my time, the way I speak with other people, how I listen, and who I spend time with.

Listing calmed me, reminded me I am in control of the things that can help with the rawness that February brings. If you are as discomforted by February as I am I hope this post helps.  If you are struggling with depression or suicidal thoughts contact this hotline. Call. Text. Use online chat. Reach out.






Recover and Reset

I had planned on taking a break from novel writing over the Summer. I had home projects planned. I had visions of spending lots of time at the pool, hiking, and gardening and hanging out with my kids. I had planned on some promotion and marketing of my novel, Sum of the Whole,  set to release on June 19th

But then my mom had some serious health issues, and then this happened:

 My kiddo tumbled off the pirate ship. Surgery, two pins and one hot pink cast later I needed to change my ideas about summer.  Heartrending? Yes. Stressful? Yes. Overwhelming? Yes. Frustrating? Yes. Anxiety level off the charts? Yes. So I did the thing I always do when I don’t know what thing I should do next, and want some imaginary control over my life. I wrote.

 I wrote an outline while my mom was in the hospital.

The day after my daughter got home from the hospital I started writing my next novel.

I’ve left the deadline the original one that I set when I had planned out my summer and work projects. I don’t expect to finish writing it this summer, but when I sit down in the Fall when the kids go back to school I will be a bit ahead of schedule. It also gives me a sense of accomplishing something on those days I feel stuck.

My advice when life veers off the expected trajectory, take time to recover and reset.  Do the thing that grounds you, the thing that makes the rest of the world fall away even if it is just for an hour. Do that. And remember this:

“Nature never hurries, yet everything is accomplished.” Lao Tzu 







Preflight Checklists_ Not Just for Pilots

BLM_1688Checklists are very simple time management, and organizational tools. Pilots have used preflight checklists for years, as a means to ensure that everything that needs to be done before take off is complete. Most medical facilities have incorporated checklists for safety in operating rooms, prior to procedures. As a mom with ADHD, getting my kids and myself out the door for school and work in the morning can feel overwhelming. I wrote about this last year in this POST. In that post I talked about creating morning checklists for yourself to help organize your mornings. Checklists are an easy way for adults and children to overcome the difficulties with organization and distraction that individuals with ADD/ADHD battle every day.This year the kids want to manage their own checklists. As they are just starting to read, I added visual clues to the checklists to help them and laminated them so that they can use dry erase makers and reuse them. Our mornings are not effortlessly organized, but they are a heck of a lot better than they are without the checklists. Checklists can help both adults and children feel more in control, and relieve the anxiety that can accompany ADD/ADHD that occurs from the chronic worry that we are forgetting something important. “But what if I lose the checklist?” I hear you saying, and prior to finding an application for my phone, my checklists were on scrap paper, and I would loose or misplace them and create more stress for myself as I ransacked my house or desk trying to find them. Trello (HTTPS://TRELLO.COM) is an application makes it easy to create note cards and checklists.  The best part is that it is free, and no, they do not pay me to recommend this app. Unless you are using it for your business the free version is powerful enough to use for most people.  Checking a list electronically lacks the joy that comes from scratching through a paper checklist but the benefit of not loosing my checklists has me hooked.Analog or virtual, checklists can be powerful weapons against forgotten items and tasks, try them and see if they make a difference in your life.


Here, There and Everywhere: Ten tips for Traveling with Kids


We took our kids on their first big road trip this Summer. Three states, another country and back home again. Throw in a family wedding, visits with friends and family along the way and it was the kind of trip you think about and smile. Our kids have been traveling since they were two months old. They are really good at rolling with what ever happens and dealing with things being different than at home. I know that I am fortunate that my kids are like this. As a family we have worked to find ways to travel with them that make it easier for all of us. Here are some tips that I hope help make travel with your kids a little easier.

  1. Pack snacks. Lots and lots of snacks. Our kids say they are hungry as soon as we pull out of the driveway.
  2. Expect to stop, many, many times. You are not going to make your best time traveling with kids, so plan accordingly.
  3. Potty accidents and spills will happen, pack extra clothes that are accessible without having to unpack the entire car.
  4. Let the kids pack an activity bag for the car. The rule in our house it that everything must fit in the bag, and they must be able to pick it up and carry it themselves.
  5. Pack your lunch. This will save you time and money. Find a road side stop with picnic tables, eat and let the kids run.
  6. Check the web for activities related to your travels. The national park service junior ranger program is free, fun, and has age specific activities
  7. If your kids are as freaked out by automatic flush toilets as mine are, use sticky notes to cover the electric eye. Thank you LeeRay Costa for this sanity saving advice.
  8. If you are staying at a hotel, it is worth it to find one with a pool. After all day in the car, the pool is a great way for the kids and adults to get some exercise and have fun. If a hotel is not in your plans find a park or playground near where you are staying and plan on arriving in time to take advantage of it.
  9. Pack something for meals that your kids will always eat and that can be made quickly. For us this is a loaf of bread, peanut butter and jelly. This has saved dealing with hungry/cranky/crazy kids and adults more times than I care to admit.
  10. Breathe. Be kind to yourself, and remember that most things do not go according to plans, relax and have fun along the way.



















Starting from Scratch

My kids think I can build or fix anything and this past weekend they asked for a pirate ship.  So after carefully surveying the collection of scrap wood and various other bits and pieces of raw materials in the basement, garage and recycle bin. This is what we ended up with:

It won’t win any prizes but they had a lot of fun helping me build it and making decisions about how they wanted the ship to look, and what amenities would be included. We had some things that didn’t work, we experimented, we were creative, and most of all we had fun.

I didn’t start out trying to teach them anything, but when they tell people the story of how they built their pirate ship, they are very proud of their contributions, and glory in the telling of how we problem solved.
Listening to them, I realized that beside being a really fun day, they had also learned a little bit about being resourceful, using what you have, and starting where you are.

I feel the same why every time I start a writing project. I inventory my lists of story ideas, found objects, interesting news bits,  and old story files to create something. Any creative project starts with an idea, a whim, a scrap of thought, a problem to be solved, or a request.

Many people say to me that they want to write but don’t know what to write about. This is my answer: Use what you have, start where you are, and don’t expect your first draft to be perfect. Just like our pirate ship, it needs the rough edges smoothed, and a coat of paint. That is what editing is all about, but you can’t edit a blank sheet of paper.

Even if you don’t have little pirates in your life asking for ships, take time to build /create/ write /draw/ photograph something. Quit staring at life waiting for something to happen, and make something happen.

Happy Sailing!




Adventures and Knowledge

My kids love adventures. They don’t care if it is just around the block, they see everything as an adventure.  They ask me more questions in a half hour walk than most people ask in year.  As exhausting as it can be at times, it is a great reminder, and good advice for all of us. Never stop asking questions. Keep adventuring. Learn as much as you can about everything, observe, catalog, read, pick things up, and enjoy having knowledge for the sake of knowing.

A Reminder: Slow Down


I am traveling this week with my family, and decided to re-run this post about taking time to slow down. It is from last October when during a pretty chaotic time.  The winter proved to be just as chaotic and stressful.  If you did not get a chance to read it then here it is:

Taking the Time to Slow Down

Spring! Ohio style.
I will be back next week with a brand new post.

Taking the Long Way Home

After six weeks, ten thousand six hundred and ten miles, four suitcases, two sets of grandparents, and a wonderful start to the year, I am finally home. Happy, exhausted, and full of new ideas for this year’s posts. I enjoyed writing my Year of Women’s Voices series and will continue the book review series this year.  The blog will continue to feature tips for living with ADHD, time management tips, inspiration and ideas for writers and creative people of all types.
Last week I started a new series about money management and ADHD, follow this link if you missed it . Today I am starting another new series: Silent Sunday. Once a month I will post photographs / photo essays. Use the photos for inspiration, a story prompt, or just enjoy them.



All I Want for Christmas

 Every year I find myself more frustrated with the rampant consumerism and ridiculous advertising messages implying that what you spend equals how much you love someone.  I have always hated that part of Christmas, and the pressure I see people put on themselves to buy the perfect gift, whatever that might be. As the Grinch said, and I am paraphrasing here: Christmas doesn’t come from a store.
As a nurse, I have spent many holidays at the hospital watching families get the best gift of all, a new person to love in their life. I have held hands as families have let go of loved ones too. Remembering friends and family no longer with us physically, I am reminded that each year is a gift.
This year, all I want is more moments like this,


and this.


Take time to enjoy your family and friends this holiday season whatever you celebrate!