Tag Archives: increased risk of suicide and ADHD

What to do when you don’t know what to do

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February is difficult for me. It is always cold, cloudy, snowy, icy, and/or rainy. I struggle with grief as it is the anniversary month of several deaths, both family, and friends. I struggle to find my center and don’t know what to do with myself. I usually cope by writing, immersing myself in a world of my own making, where no one dies unless I want them to. This year my timing is a bit off because of some health issues I had in December. So I’m at the brainstorming part of my next book but not ready to write. I haven’t known what to do with my grief, anger, overwhelm, anxiety and stress. I found the answer in an article about resilience. As a parent, I want to model resilience for my kids so they will have an understanding of how to cope with life.  I tell my kids all the time. Don’t worry about things you can’t control. Do your best with the things you can control.

I took my own advice and I made two lists: Things I Can’t Control, and a list of Things I Can Control. Here are some of my entries: I can’t control the weather, other people’s behavior, time, space, the events of the world, or reviewers (for the authors out there). I can control what I eat, what I read, what I listen to, what I do with my time, the way I speak with other people, how I listen, and who I spend time with.

Listing calmed me, reminded me I am in control of the things that can help with the rawness that February brings. If you are as discomforted by February as I am I hope this post helps.  If you are struggling with depression or suicidal thoughts contact this hotline. Call. Text. Use online chat. Reach out.

1-800-273-8255

https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org

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Staying Focused Awash in Grief.

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Over the last three months I have struggled with focus. Why? Grief.  In the last twelve weeks there have been eight deaths that have directly, or indirectly touched me. The last time I lost this many people, this close together, was in the middle of the AIDs epidemic.

Grief is difficult for everyone. For individuals with ADHD, it it compounded by behavioral issues. I wrote about keeping it together when a family member faces a health crises here.  Some of the same issues complicate grief for individuals with ADD/ADHD, impulse control, issues with substance abuse, the inability to be still, discomfort in your own skin, and an increased incidence of depression and suicide.

My tips for handling grief can be summed up in a few sentences.

1. Do not self-medicate. I am talking about the urge to binge watch/spend money/shop/drink/smoke/eat chocolate/ whatever your make-me-forget-not-feel drug of choice is, don’t do it. Feel your feelings no matter how uncomfortable they are.

2. Pay attention. Being sad is normal. Not getting out of bed for days is not. Get help.

3. Find someone to talk to about your feelings. A therapist, social worker, clergy, your best friend, your family.

4. If you are a creative, create. Do the thing that feeds your soul.

5. Give yourself time. So many times we think that we should be able to “just get over” whatever it is that is making us sad. A very wise woman once told me “some things you don’t get over, you just get through.”

6. Find a peaceful view. Just sit with it. This is mine.

Please give yourself time to heal.

If you are struggling with depression, please, please, get help, don’t make a decision in a moment that is permanent. This link is for the National Suicide Prevention Organization their number 24/7/365 is 1-800-273-8255.