Tag Archives: self-management

Imposter Syndrome: Five Ways to Fight Back

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 I missed posting last month because July totally got away with me got away from me. Between attending the Golden Crown Literary Society conference, traveling a dear friend’s combination birthday and anniversary party, and visiting my mom, my writing time was limited. I used what time was available to work on my next novel.

Back in June, I promised an article on Imposter Syndrome, a condition that according to some statics affects 70% of the population at one time or another. Imposter Syndrome is that feeling/worry/anxiety that you don’t deserve/belong/ folks will find out you’re a fraud. Imposter Syndrome is insidious and can happen at any time. It can occur in your personal life, your professional life, and your creative life. This post offers five ways to deal with Imposter Syndrome in your creative life. Imposter Syndrome can occur with or without a triggering event.

Has this happened to you? You’re working on your manuscript, are excited to sit down to write, and you open the document. As soon the blank screen pops up, the ugly voice of Imposter Syndrome whispers that you should just quit now. It tells you that you don’t know enough to be. a writer. Your work is banal, boring, stupid worthless. No one cares what you have to say. These phrases or some version of them swirl around in your mind, throttling your creativity.  When Imposter Syndrome grabs you it pokes you in your most sensitive places.

Imposter syndrome will do its best to convince you that you are a terrible writer. It will insist you have no business writing. It will whisper in your ear that you have nothing to say, you’re a fraud, you’re not real. It thrives on shame, and fear. Imposter Syndrome, if left unchecked will convince you that you are not in any way, shape, or form a writer, and you should just save yourself the embarrassment and just quit.

Imposter Syndrome can be devasting to your creative career. It is the root cause of many cases of writer’s block. What can you do to stop that terrible nasty little voice?  Here are five things you can you do when feel uncertain, like you don’t belong, or that you shouldn’t have a seat at the table, that you’re in the wrong place, or that someone else is going to find out that you’re a fraud.

Five Ways to Fight Imposter Syndrome.

  1. Remember who you are. Make a list of things you have accomplished, don’t leave anything out. All those little and big things count, add to the list all the things you can do. Can you swim? Ride a bike? Cook a decent meal? Hang a picture? Are you a wiz at spreadsheets? No matter how routine, acknowledging your abilities can remind you that you are capable and deserving of all the things.
  2. Talk about it. Shame and guilt are big components of Imposter Syndrome. Imposter Syndrome lies to us about our worth. It tells us we are taking up space we don’t deserve, that we shouldn’t be where we are and that we are frauds. These are lies. The best way to get past these lies is to talk to people about how you are feeling. A wise therapist once said to me. “Feelings are real but they may not be based on truth or reality.” Take time to examine your feelings and the facts of the situation. Talk with a trusted friend or counselor about Imposter Syndrome.
  3. Don’t beat yourself up. Mistakes happen. Failure is part of learning and growth. If you experience a manuscript rejection, take some time to acknowledge your effort and bravery in submitting your work. Did the editor give you some feedback? Use that to rework your manuscript. Ask a trusted friend for if they would beta read for you. Don’t listen to the voice that says quit. Most folks who are traditionally published experience many rejections before their work is accepted.
  4. Celebrate yourself. Anything can be a win. Did you finish your draft? Complete a word count goal? Hit a consecutive day writing streak? Celebrate that! Use that energy to chase away the negative vibes Imposter Syndrome uses to hold you back.
  5. Talk the talk. Use your inner dialogue to build yourself up. When the gnarly Imposter Syndrome voice starts in, have a set response to its false statements. Flip the script on that jackass.

For Example:

Imposter Syndrome says: “You’re not a writer.”

You: “I write therefore I am a writer.”

Imposter Syndrome says, “No one will ever like what you write.”

You: “I like what I write, and out of all the folks in the universe, someone else besides me will like it too.”

You get the idea. Write down all the negative things that crowd out your positive thoughts and use that to create your own script. I won’t share my personal script because my language gets a little salty when I am chasing Imposter Syndrome out of my head.

I hope that these things will help you to kick Imposter Syndrome to the curb. Try them the next time Imposter Syndrome shows up. Remember, changing our feelings and beliefs about ourselves is hard, but not impossible. Use whatever tools you can to strengthen your belief in yourself. You are a writer. If you needed to hear that from someone other than yourself, here it is: You are a writer, and the world needs for your words.

 until next time,

Brenda

 

Dealing with Distractions Two-legged and Four-legged

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Experts estimate it takes between 10 and 15 minutes for the average person to return to focused concentration every time they are interrupted. Multiply that by two or three times in the hour you set aside for your work, and it is clear how sixty minutes of writing time evaporates.  Whether you interrupt yourself or are interrupted by others, you need to have a plan for dealing with it. You may be caring for young children, parents, relatives, friends, and older/younger pets who require your attention, time, and love. Amid these obligations, it can be challenging to carve out time for our writing projects. This blog post will discuss ways to deal with disruptions children, partners, and family members create.

In addition, if you deal with your personal distraction issues, it is essential to find ways to ameliorate them, or you’ll never “find the time” to finish your writing project.

Here are some methods to stop interruptions or lessen their impact of them. suggestions

Things we cannot control: A short note about things beyond your control: infants and children.

  When children are young, and you are caring for them, you can’t just leave them in another room and ignore them, especially when they’re infants. When my kids were babies, I wrote while they napped and after their bedtime.

 As they grew older, I worked to find ways to entertain them, things that would keep them distracted while I worked. It was slow going and so frustrating working in small bits of time. But all those tiny bits of writing added up to my first novel.  When I get overwhelmed and think that I’m never I’m going to finish writing my book or I contemplate giving up, I have an inspirational photo I look at to remind me what’s possible.

In the photo my twins asleep in their little bouncy seats and I am working at my desk. It reminds me that if I wrote my master’s thesis between the time they were born and when they turned one, I can do anything. When I look at that photograph, I’m reminded of the power of small bits of time.

This works when caring for other family and friends as well. Sometimes, you need to care for other folks, and being a caregiver can become all-consuming. It is emotionally and physically exhausting, yet taking even the most minor bits of time to do something for yourself is self-care. Set yourself up to take advantage of writing in those snips of time and be encouraged, small acts done consistently can accomplish great things.

Things we can control: Here are some suggestions to cope with distractions and interruptions.

  1. Environment. Our environment impacts so much of what we do. If you can work to music, create a playlist and listen to it every time you work on that piece. If you need quiet, noise-canceling headphones or a less expensive alternative is soft earplugs can block distracting sounds. It is essential to create or find a location is conducive to concentration and deep work. If you are fortunate enough to have a dedicated writing space, make it work for you. Have a chair you love, a desk you need/want, music/ambient sound or silence, and lighting that doesn’t hurt your eyes. Many folks who write do not have a dedicated workspace. I did not for years and I used whatever spare corner of the house was available or worked at my local tea shop or library. My solution to not having my own space was to create a mini environment. At the library, I would reserve a study room, at the tea shop, I would find an out-of-the-way table, but the number one way was to work to specific music related to the project. When I put on my headphones, all I can hear is the soundtrack I’ve created for that project, and then it’s effortless for me to sink into what I’m doing no matter what else is going on around me, my brain is trained to go into writing mode when the music starts. I have other friends that are able to accomplish this with nature sounds or by listening to white noise.     There are great free apps, such as Rain Rain (https://www.rainrainapp.com) with all sorts of environmental sounds you can play to block out all other sounds. A search on YouTube will also turn up various playlists and background sounds for writing. If you require silence, an investment in noise-canceling headphones may be worthwhile. Or the less expensive straightforward solution of hearing protectors, either the soft ear plugs or the over-ear variety you can find at the hardware store. Take the time to write down what your perfect writing space would look like. Let yourself go and list everything that would make it perfect. Take a break and then go through the list and figure out your essentials versus luxuries (because who wouldn’t write in a cabana next to the ocean with endless cups of tea?) and focus on what you can fix now. Then do those things. Your environment can be your best help or your worst enemy regarding writing. Take   the time to do what you can to fix what is not working.
  2. Training.If your two-legged or four-legged or at a point in their lives where they can respond to training, for lack of a better word, it is time to establish boundaries. Rehearse saying: “I am working now. Is this an emergency?” Treat “our writing as a job. Remind them you are serious about your writing. Write in your appointment book. Write it on the family calendar as work so folks understand it’s not optional.  This will not be easy in many cases. Stick with it. Most kids are impulsive. Mine also are gifted with ADD/ADHD. For years they would bust into the room and interrupt me in the middle of whatever I was working on to tell me whatever random thing they were thinking about. I always had my door open because when they were younger, I wanted to be able to hear if there was some issue I needed to attend to, but now, they have learned after many, many, many repetitions of “I love you and want to talk with you, but I am working now. Are you bleeding? Is someone in danger? Is it an emergency? Is someone or something on fire?” to not interrupt unless it is a critical issue. Teaching them to respect my work time and helping them understand what an emergency is has enabled them not to interrupt each other when working on schoolwork. With partners, it may involve a very frank conversation with your partner and other family members so they understand that when you’re working you’re not to be disturbed unless it’s an emergency. Explain to the folks you are living with or caring for the impact of disruptions on your writing. Be brave, be bold, and be kind in your discussion. As far as our four-legged companions, if you live with other family arranging with them to have them attend to pet needs while you are working will help. Scheduling their walks or playtime can also stop pets from interrupting you. Your mileage will vary with your pets and your living situation. After living with a parrot, and multiple dogs over the years, most of the time they have been the easiest to deal with when it came to learning a routine. My dog is the first one into the office most days when it is writing time and often comes to look for me if I’m not at my desk at my usual start time. Be patient and consistent with training.
  1. Value your own time. I want to encourage you to value your own time and self-care. No matter if you are writing for publication or journaling for your mental health. You are worth that time. And most importantly you deserve uninterrupted time for your deep work. Stop feeling guilty for taking an hour or thirty minutes or however long you set aside to write for yourself. You are entitled to time alone. So many times, we give our time away without even thinking. We surrender our time to other things and projects that don’t impact our health and well-being. Taking an hour to write can be as crucial to our mental health as taking an hour to go to the gym or a walk around the block. They go hand-in-hand. Give yourself permission for self-care.
  1. Dealing with self-distraction. As someone who deals with ADHD, I excel at self-distraction. For years I didn’t understand how to handle self-distraction, which only worsened with the advent of smartphones and social media. Putting physical distance between yourself and your phone can help tremendously. If you need ideas on how to separate yourself from your phone, I recommend the book {How to Break up with your Phone, (https://www.amazon.com/How-Break-Up-Your-Phone-ebook/dp/B072J77B68/} I put my phone in another room so I can’t random check into social media or fall into the internet void as I research some information. To avoid tumbling down the rabbit hole of the internet on my computer, I work on full screen so I can’t see other applications or tabs while I am writing. If I am writing story notes or working on character outlines by hand, I put all my electronics in another room. Or I work someplace without Internet access. These things may not work for you. Knowing yourself and anticipating what might distract you will help you find ways to deal with yourself.   A note about Research: If I’m working on something and I run across an item I need to research, I put brackets in my document and make a note to myself in the document about it.  I used to keep a notebook next to my computer, but after misplacing my research notebook for several weeks, I started making notes directly in the document. Using brackets, I can do a global search and compile an ‘items to be researched list’ once I finish the project or the scene. If it impacts a chapter or makes it so I can’t go forward without knowing that bit of information, I will write as far as I can without stopping to research. That said, some people can’t continue writing until they know the answers to all their research question. They have to know everything before they can write anything. I am a discovery writer and can write scenes out of order because I don’t work to a set outline. For those who work to a detailed outline, it would cause them immense distress and make it impossible to keep writing. If you are one of those people who has to know the research answers before you can begin or continue your writing, understand that if you interrupt your writing time for research, it will take you at least twice as long to complete a project. My advice is to save your research for a dedicated research time. The mental skills used in crafting words are very different from the skills used in research. Shifting back and forth between them is inefficient.I know too many people who have become so bogged down in research and have never completed their novel. There is always something more to know. Set limits on your research and get to work on writing. As with all suggestions, your mileage may vary, but this tiny change massively impacted my ability to complete projects. Another way to stop self-interruptions caused by internet access is to try an app that will lock you out of social media and your browser for set periods. There are a number of them out there, I can’t recommend one as I have not ever used any of them.  I opted for the simpler solution of placing my phone out of reach.
  1. Goals as Distractions: Setting intentions. Stick with me on this one. Having a set number of words to accomplish in a day can become its own distraction. Constantly checking your word count to see if you have met your goal is not conducive to deep work. It can also create a self-defeating loop. If you constantly do not meet your word count goals. My solution for this is to set intentions versus goals. Word count goals because create stress for many people. Try reframing your plans for the day.  Saying “I intend to write words today,” and is open-ended does not carry the same weight emotionally setting a specific goal. Any words will count and you will have met your intentions. No one will ever know or care that you wrote your novel fifteen minutes at a time or ten words at a time. Writing in the margins, those little snatches and bits of time count. And if that’s all you can eke out of your day because you are mentally or physically drained because of other issues in your life, if all you can do is open the document and write one sentence, you will eventually be finished. If you write one page daily at the end of the year, you will have 365 pages of work. So don’t quit. Take break if you need one but don’t give up on don’t writing if it is what you genuinely want to do.

If you are finding it hard to get back into a writing project after a long break, I wrote a blog post about how to get back to work after a long pause, and you can find it here {https://blog.writingwhiledistracted.com/?p=2244}

I hope that you find some of these suggestions helpful. I’ll be I’ll next month with When the Words Won’t Come: The Writers’ Block and distraction connection, brain dumps, impulse control, and plot bunny wrangling.”

 Until next time keep writing,

Brenda

Please feel free to forward this post to other writers you know, they can sign up here for free writing resources and my newsletter just for writers and those who want to be.

https://www.brendalmurphy.com/resources-for-writers.html

Giving Back

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I met a life goal this year. Ever since I attended my first writer’s conference, way back in 2012, I’ve had on my goal/dreams/wish list “Present workshop at a writer’s conference.”
Why? Because I benefited from so many writers who shared what they had learned throughout their careers. After every workshop I attended, I experienced the sensation of being lifted up and encouraged. I wanted to share those sensations with other writers. I wanted to give back. Achieving my goal would also mean that I would have reached a point in my career where I had something of value to share.
This summer, I met my goal at the Golden Crown Literary Society’s virtual conference.
I had a wonderful time presenting my workshop, answering questions, and engaging with the audience. Silencing the Voices and Freeing the Writer Within is a workshop that offerss solutions and ideas for non-neurotypical individuals struggling with writer’s block. As part of the workshop, I created a workbook for folks working through writer’s block, and it’s available as a free download on my website.
I hope everyone who wants to share their words with the world will do it because it always needs more stories. Until  next  time  I’ll  leave  you  wtih  this  thought.


Brenda Murphy writes short fiction and novels. Her novel Double Six won the 2020 GCLS Goldie for Erotica. The first novel in her University Square Series was a 2021 Goldie Finalist.  She loves tattoos and sideshows and yes, those are her monkeys.  When she is not loitering on her front porch and writing, she wrangles two kids, two dogs, and an unrepentant parrot.  She blogs about life as a writer with ADHD and publishes photographs on her blog Writing While Distracted.  Sign Up for her email list and receive a free short stories at   www.brendalmurphy.com

Books available at

Amazon 

NineStar Press

 

Chasing Fireflies

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For the first time in 5 years, I am not participating in National Novel Writing Month. I’m a bit sad about not participating in the silly/chaotic/exhilarating rush to write 50,000 words in a month. Since 2017 I have, on average, written two books a year, with one of those books being my NaNoWriMo project.
In the past two years, I have added a novella to that count, and that doesn’t take into account blog posts, short stories, and all the other words I usually manage to come up with over the year. Staying productive while the world burned was an excellent way to deal with my rising anger and anxiety. As a creative, I strive to provide respite in my books. My goal is to offer readers a safe place to enjoy a world where you know no matter what happens in the story; my characters will get to have their happy endings.
But this year, I have struggled to write. I am currently two-thirds of the way through completing the third book in my new series, and I’ve lost the thread of my story. It’s not the first time this has happened.
I’m not a strict outliner, preferring to create a scaffold of scenes for my characters and then start writing, trusting my process, and chasing story ideas and words like a child running after fireflies.

If you’ve never caught fireflies or lightning bugs as some call them, it’s tricky. They only start their display at dusk, and it only lasts for a short time. You need to wait until they flash their soft yellow-green glow, run to that spot, and then gently, ever so gently cup them in your hands.

If you’re patient, they will light up again while you hold them, a delightful bit of magic. That is the closest thing I can relate to how I create stories. And this year, I’ve had a tough time following the fireflies of ideas that generally fill my head.

This year, there was no in-person time with my extended family, no time with sister friends, and no time to fill the well at my favorite conferences and writer events. Because no matter how wonderful it is to see folks over Zoom, it is not the same as warm hugs and laughter and staying up way past bedtime to tell silly stories and laugh until our stomachs hurt.

I have no doubts I will finish this book. I always do. And it’s not the first time I have had to stop and reassess a story direction. I have the tools to figure out where the story needs to go. But this year, I’m going to give myself a little bit of extra time to chase the fireflies and enjoy the magic along the way.

 

Brenda Murphy writes short fiction and novels. Her novel Double Six won the 2020 GCLS Goldie for Erotica. She loves tattoos and sideshows and yes, those are her monkeys.  When she is not loitering on her front porch and writing, she wrangles two kids, one dog, and an unrepentant parrot.  She blogs about life as a writer with ADHD and publishes photographs on her blog Writing While Distracted.  Sign Up for her email list and receive a free erotic short story at   www.brendalmurphy.com

Books available at

Amazon 

NineStar Press

The Point

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On the Square, the first book in the University Square series will release August 17th. And because I deal with anxiety over new releases by working, I started writing a new novel this week, the third in my University Square series. We also started homeschooling this week. And did I mention I started working on stripping the wallpaper in my daughter’s room so I can paint it? Because that’s how I roll.
The blessing and curse of ADHD is  I’m not able to sit still for long. Unless its something I hyperfocused on, then you could blow the house up around me, and I wouldn’t notice.
What is my point? Finding a balance is impossible for me. I am either working at top speed or sleeping. It makes me productive but also frustrated with myself at times. My busy-bee brain refuses to be still.

I’ve learned to work with it instead of fighting it, but sometimes I wonder what it would be like to be able to sit and watch the flowers grow. The last few months have been some of the most difficult in my life. I’ve spent much of my time distracting myself with books and movies. I’ve also filled several pages of my planning notebook with ideas for stories I want to write someday.
With the state of the world right now, it sometimes feels pointless plan anything, much less to spend time in make-believe worlds with my imaginary friends. But then a reader will message me asking when my next book will be published, and I remember the point after all.
I write to provide a bit of respite from the world and distract readers from real life, and that is reason enough to keep writing.

Brenda Murphy writes short fiction and novels. Her novel Double Six won the 2020 GCLS Goldie for Erotica. She loves tattoos and sideshows and yes, those are her monkeys.  When she is not loitering on her front porch and writing, she wrangles two kids, one dog, and an unrepentant parrot.  She blogs about life as a writer with ADHD and publishes photographs on her blog Writing While Distracted.  Sign Up for her email list and receive a free erotic short story at   www.brendalmurphy.com

Books available at

Amazon 

NineStar Press

Double Six

Complex Dimensions

Knotted Legacy

Both Ends of the Whip

ONE  

Sum of the Whole 

Dominique and Other Stories 

Back to Work

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It’s the beginning of a new school year at our house — a time of new lunch boxes and backpacks and school supplies. My kids love school, and as much as I love our lazy summer days, I crave the structure that the school calendar brings to our lives. I have taken most of the summer off to reset and recharge, including an almost two weeks long social/screen sabbatical. During part of that, I took my kids’ camping for the first time, and it went well. The best part was the campground had no cell or internet connection, true freedom from 24/7 overload, and a fantastic digital detox. I am energized and well-rested and finally out of the blender.

What is the blender? It’s those times in your life when, just as you are getting settled, starting to get used to the new normal, something else occurs which requires you to change your plans, to find a new way to accomplish the five million and two things on your to-do list. And for those of us who struggle with our ADHD on a good day, and schedule disruption can send us right off the rails and destroy our ability to focus. The unstructured time of summer is both marvelous on one hand because I do like spending time with my kids, but I also struggle because I crave alone time to create. I coped this summer by using my bits of time to research and outline three projects.

Are things going to settle down now? Nope. There will be all the craziness that fall brings. But my kids will be busy at school, and I will have uninterrupted time for writing, or as I like to think of it, playing with my imaginary friends on paper. Now that my kids can read, and read very well, it is hard for me to work with them around and I can’t sneak in the time I used to when they were younger. The fall and winter are my most productive time, and last year, I managed to write two novels and a novella between September and March. I cheat a bit by doing NaNoWriMo every year, and that pushes me to complete a novel in a month.

This year my goal is to complete all three of the books I outlined by May of next year. Can I do it? I don’t know, but I’m sure as hell going to give it a good go, and having the framework in place makes me feel like I can. Not writing over the summer was super hard. Writing is essential for my mental health. Blogging, one of my favorite things to do, and the one thing I try to keep with, no matter what, has been hit or miss the last few months and that has made it much more difficult for me stay on an even keel. Writing, art journaling, and telling stories are my touchstones. The past four months have made that clear to me that no matter what I need to provide time for myself to create. Going forward, I’m getting back to work, knowing that when everything is wacky, and I’m in the blender, the one thing I can do to anchor myself, is writing. My advice, if you are a creator and you’re struggling, set aside a few minutes to create. Even fifteen minutes of writing/drawing/painting or whatever is your creative outlet, can make a difference, make time and create.  

Brenda Murphy writes short fiction and novels. She loves tattoos and sideshows and yes, those are her monkeys.  When she is not loitering at her local tea shop and writing, she wrangles two kids, one dog, and an unrepentant parrot.  She reviews books, blogs about life as a writer with ADHD and publishes photographs on her blog Writing While Distracted. You can find her on Facebook by clicking here.  Sign Up for her email list here  www.brendalmurphy.com

Books available at

Amazon 

NineStar Press

Knotted Legacy

Both Ends of the Whip

ONE  

Sum of the Whole 

Dominique and Other Stories 

 

Harder Than It Looks

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Welp, I’m not quite half-way through the thirty days of Catherine Price’s How to Break Up with Your Phone. If you missed the first post in this series, you can read it here.
I’ve been journaling my progress, and it was so hard the first week, I almost quit. I have not struggled so much since I had an ulcer and had to give up caffeine, chocolate, and alcohol AT THE SAME TIME. This past week I was all the things many addicts are when they quit: angry, frustrated, short-tempered, restless, and convinced that what I was doing was stupid and wouldn’t make a difference in my life.
Whenever I considered giving up, I took a break, and reread my reasons for doing the program, and that would give me the determination to continue, like most people I can do most anything if I have an important Why.
What I have discovered about myself so far:
1. I crave connections and adrenaline. I resigned from my job in healthcare in August. I have not replaced the kind of relationships I had with co-workers and patients, nor is there anything in my home that will ever replace the rush of working in the hospital. I need to work on this and make new connections. 
2. I increased my consumption of sugar and caffeine to replace the hits of dopamine that I got from social media with sugar and caffeine (note to self, work on this issue next.)
3. My addiction was worse than I thought.
4. The day I deleted social media apps off my phone was the most challenging part of the program, but the most freeing. To be clear, in Price’s program you are allowed to check and interact with social media, but you have to sign in using your browser. The browser experience is so clunky it gave me time to think before I logged in acting as a speed bump to mindless social media time. 
5. The things that have improved: my sleep, my focus, and my relationships. I’m more present and less distracted. My kids know that when I’m with them, I’m really with them, not just killing time until I check my phone.
6. Undertaking this program and changing my relationship with my phone is a change is one that I needed to make.

As hard as this has been so far, I’m happy that I chose this as my project for February. This week was better than last week. I’m not as restless and am doing things I used to do before I became so hooked on my phone.  I’m looking forward to finishing the program. I’ll post my final thoughts and some tips for completing the challenge in March. If you are wondering if you spend too much time on your phone you probably do, don’t be afraid to make a change. So far it has been worth every second of discomfort.

Brenda Murphy writes short fiction and novels. She loves tattoos and sideshows and yes, those are her monkeys.  When she is not loitering at her local tea shop and writing, she wrangles two kids, one dog, and an unrepentant parrot.  She reviews books, blogs about life as a writer with ADHD and publishes photographs on her blog Writing While Distracted. You can find her on Facebook by clicking here.  Sign Up for her email list here  www.brendalmurphy.com

Books available at

Amazon 

NineStar Press

Knotted Legacy

Both Ends of the Whip

ONE  

Sum of the Whole 

Dominique and Other Stories 

And So It Begins

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February starts tomorrow. Where I live, it is the longest, shortest, coldest, cloudiest month of the year. It is my least favorite month. This year instead of wallowing in my usual February funk I’ve decided to actively change my attitude toward February. I doubt it will ever replace August as my favorite month, but maybe by the end of the next 28 days, we will be cordial. One of my new year goals was to expand my writing repertoire so this month I’m writing a novella. It is a new length of fiction for me, and my first paranormal story. The story has been banging around in my head since last spring, so it feels incredible to let my characters loose on the page.
The other change I am planning this month is breaking up with my phone. Why? Because my screen time tracking app numbers appalled me. I spend enough time on my phone some weeks for it to qualify as a part-time job. As a writer, I love connecting with readers, as a reader I love connecting with other readers and geeking out over books. But I also want to make sure that I’m not drowning my sorrows in my phone, chasing little hits of endorphins, the way some folks pursue alcohol or drugs. ADHD folks have higher rates of addiction to alcohol and substances than the general population and are at a higher risk for screen/technology addiction.  As part of my self-care this month I’m going to change the way I interact my phone and adopt more healthy habits.

I found a fantastic book to help me with my phone addiction. How to Break Up with Your Phone by Catherine Price is the how-to book I’ve needed to make the break with my device. Price approaches the process of phone addiction with charm, wit, and facts to back up and support her suggestions for mindful use of our phones. She is not a zealot or Luddite. Price has a realistic outlook when it comes to the convenience of smartphones and does not recommend or suggest that you switch to a flip phone and head off into the wilderness unless that is what you want to do.

The beauty of her approach is her myriad of sound suggestions of how to practice mindfulness while using our technology. Catherine Price offers actionable recommendations and a plan to follow to make sure that way you interact with your phone fits your life and is designed by you, not app designers using the best brain hacking technology money can buy to have you staring at your screen instead of your family.

I encourage you to evaluate the time you spend with your phone, to decide if your interactions are positive and support your goals. I have a long list of items to accomplish this year, and I know I have to make some changes in how I use my time if I am going to achieve them. My first step is to make sure time spent on my phone is time I’ve chosen to allocate instead of merely being sucked into the vortex of apps designed to keep me tied to my screen, oblivious to the world and distracted from my goals. For the next month I’m going to follow the steps outlined in How to Break Up With Your Phone and work on my phone habit. Wish me luck and if you decide to join me, drop a comment here. I’ll post a follow up in March.

Brenda Murphy writes short fiction and novels. She loves tattoos and sideshows and yes, those are her monkeys.  When she is not loitering at her local tea shop and writing, she wrangles two kids, one dog, and an unrepentant parrot.  She reviews books, blogs about life as a writer with ADHD and publishes photographs on her blog Writing While Distracted. You can find her on Facebook by clicking here.  Sign Up for her email list here  www.brendalmurphy.com

Books available at

Amazon 

NineStar Press

Knotted Legacy

Both Ends of the Whip

ONE  

Sum of the Whole 

Dominique and Other Stories 

 

Embrace Your Attention Issues: Terese Ramin Interview

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The bar. Again.

I met Terese Ramin at my first writers’ conference. Chicago-North RWA Spring Fling 2012 to be exact. I was loitering at the bar waiting to register. I noticed Terese’s conference badge, and struck up a conversation. She was presenting at the conference. We spent
most of the evening laughing, talking, and getting to know each other over
fries and good beer.

Terese is gracious,
encouraging, and supportive. She is also has ADD/ADHD, and is a successful novelist, and editor. She very kindly agreed to do an interview for this blog.  I have enjoyed Terese’s books.   This is the link to Terese’s Amazon page.   Her biography follows the interview.

1. When were
you diagnosed with ADD/ADHD?

 Terese: **I
was officially diagnosed with ADD in 1996 when I took my son for diagnosis at
his high school’s request. I took the test with him to be supportive.
2.
Was there a specific event that caused you to seek a diagnosis?
Terese:**My
son’s high school requested that he be tested (and put on medication).
3.
Do you think having a diagnosis helped?
Terese: **Yes,
it helped *me* realize what had always held me back / been “wrong” with me, and
why there were “bad conduct” marks on my school records. Girls didn’t have
ADD/ADHD when I was in grade school.
4.
Have you faced any discrimination because of your diagnosis?
Terese: **No.
As an adult, the only people who know about my ADD/ADHD are those I choose to
tell. And since being ADD/ADHD affects my entire life, I let people know. My
son, on the other hand, didn’t want people to know, didn’t want to take meds,
etc., because it would have labeled him in high school as “one of those kids”
who got called out of class to take a prescription medication. We worked with
his ADD/ADHD in other ways and, boy, am I glad! He’s very successful as a
teacher now.
5.
How did you organize/ focus yourself to write books?
Terese: **When
was first diagnosed, I saw a therapist who gave me suggestions to help keep me
focused – creating a CD that looped with the question “Are you on task?” played
at 5 and 10 minutes  intervals.
I
also used a CD called High Focus that essentially
plays white noise. It was highly effective, especially played softly. I also
used guided meditation and a couple of “In the Zone” CDs that are used to help
athletes maintain focus while they work out.
6.
What is the biggest challenge for you when writing a novel?
Terese: **Oh
man. <G> For writing a novel, I need to get to the place in the book
where I can go into hyper-focus. Hyper-focus is something I’m good at – as long
as I’m being stimulated by what I do, or as long as what I’m doing is a
relatively simple, repetitive task (I’m a great editor due to hyper-focus, and
I’m pretty good at detail work – as long my brain doesn’t decide the details
are boring.) Boredom is my biggest problem.
Another
thing that works is for me to be able to get up and wander around doing simple,
non-thinking tasks as I write – taking care of the laundry, loading the
dishwasher, dusting, etc. Those are things I hate to do, but when I do them
during the process of working on a novel, I don’t have to come out of the
“zone” or the story to do them. Doing
simple tasks allows me to daydream the next line, paragraph, or scene, and
return to the computer able to write a few more pages.
7.
Are you an Outliner or Pantser?
Terese: **HA!
I wish I could outline a novel or create a beat sheet, then just fill in the
blanks on the pages. The moment I start to do that, my brain screams “lunch!”
and refuses to budge – it’s that boredom thing or the restless ADHD thing
kicking in: an outline causes me to tell the story to myself, which means I’ve
already written it, which means “bored now” when it comes to trying to write
all 70-85,000 words.
To
counter this, I give myself a blurb to remind myself where I need to get to
from here, post that on the wall where I can see it, and slowly make my way
toward the end goal: a completed novel.
8.
How do you handle the distraction of the internet?
Terese: **Badly.
I have a routine of getting up in the morning, handling my email, reading the
online news, doing a little Facebook / Twitter / social media to keep my name
out there, but that means I also use up my best creative time. I might be
finished with all of those internet things by 8 a.m., but then the dogs need
attention, there are dirty dishes that need attention, the laundry needs to go
into the dryer, etc. It would be far better for me to revise that routine and
start with writing, but it takes a long time for me to create a routine that
works for me. It’s much easier to fall back on the routine I have. The bottom
line is that I’m much much more productive
if I follow a daily routine, but creating the right routine takes thought and discipline that I sometimes don’t
have.
9.
Do you think that it would have been helpful to be diagnosed at an earlier age?
Terese:**Possibly,
in today’s climate, yes. Back when I was growing up? Maybe – at least then my
parents and teachers would have understood the reason for why I was the way I
was. But being diagnosed earlier – especially back in a time when using
ADD/ADHD medication properly was still pretty new – might also have meant being
medicated, which brings up a whole new world of issues.
10.
What advice would you give writers struggling with attention issues?
Terese: **Embrace
your attention issues. I look at my son who’s always done seven or eight things
at the same time – and that worked for him. When he was in school, if he wasn’t
listening to at least one sporting event, playing the guitar (or the bassoon,
or something), reading a book, talking on the phone, trolling the internet AND
doing his homework, I knew he wasn’t getting his schoolwork done. He’s never
needed to be medicated and I’m proud of the man he’s become.
But
I also look at the way he innately handled his ADD/ADHD and I realize that my
own process of staying in the zone by doing housework while I’m writing is much
the same thing. I just need to “stay on task” get back to that routine.
 I hope that reading Terese’s interview inspires you to start writing if you haven’t and to keep going if you have stopped.
Biography:
Terese Ramin is the award winning
author of eleven novels and numerous short stories. Her autobiographical essay,
“Two-Puppy Theory”, is included in the anthology The Sound and the Furry, sales of which benefit the International
Fund for Animal Welfare. The Cured,
her most recent release with author David Wind, is her first suspense-thriller.
Her next release will be an urban paranormal romance with writing partner Dawn
Johanson.
Aside from writing, Terese works
as an editor, ghost writer, book doctor, and a paranormal investigator. She
lives in Michigan with her husband and a bunch of rescued dogs.

Embracing the Work of You: Ten Tips for a More Organized Life

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Bucky 2009

Staying on top of your “to do” list. Being on time. Having clean clothes. Being able to find what you need when you need it. Staying on a task until it its complete. ADD/ADHD makes each of these tasks seem impossible at times. I often feel like Sisyphus, rolling that dang bolder up the hill just to watch it roll away again.

The truth is, no one ever has it all together. Everyone struggles to keep up with their lives. For those of us with distraction issues it feels like we carry extra weight on our journey.

I have a great brain for remembering every little bit of information that comes my way, but I still have to put the car keys away in the same place every time, or I can not remember where I put them.  I label the shelves in the refrigerator so I can remember to put food back where it goes, and my toothbrush has colored tape on it because I can’t remember which color toothbrush is mine. Silly? Maybe, but it keeps my from brushing my teeth with other peoples toothbrushes!

 When I get frustrated with myself have to remember that most people do not contend with a brain that will drop everything to watch, and perhaps follow a stray ant that happens along. Most people can filter out the unimportant from the important. Most people would comprehend that starting that wallpaper stripping project at midnight,  just because you notice that part of it is already starting to peel anyway, might not be a good course of action.

After years of being angry and frustrated with myself, I finally decided to make friends with my brain, and to find ways to work with what I have.  If you are struggling with organization, and keeping up with events in your life try these organization tips.

  1. Automate everything possible.  Sign up for E-Bills, schedule up automatic bill payments, schedule routine deliveries of household items (toilet paper, etc.),  subscribe to mail order/ automatic prescriptions refills.  Take advantage of services available. 
  2. Use labels on the outside, and on the inside containers, drawers, and cupboards to help you remember what goes where and where things are.  For young kids pictures work well. The inside label system  works well for chests of drawers and helps to keep clothing organized.
  3. Use a checklist for groceries. There are many free downloads on line. Find one and use it, or create your own. Train everyone to check things off as you use them.
  4. Create a landing zone and have a routine for entering the house. This works for kids and adults. Create a routine, such as: hang keys up, shoes off, coats hung, bags/ backpacks/ purses/ etc hung up, hands washed. Cubbies, hooks, key racks and shoe racks work well to keep things off the floor and where you need them when you leave. 
  5. Create a household task schedule. It can be a simple as knowing that every Wednesday and Sunday you are doing laundry, and cleaning the bathroom every Saturday.
  6. Clean the kitchen after each time you cook. This will 1) save you money as you will not be as tempted to go out to eat, or order a pizza, and 2) provide a sense of accomplishment because at least the kitchen is clean!
  7. Lay out out your clothes for the next day, have your kids do the same. This will save time in the morning, and prevent last minute scurrying around trying to find clothes that fit, and that are clean. 
  8. Have a place to open mail and pay bills. Do not open mail anyplace else. Train everyone to place mail in the same place.  This system will prevent lost misplaced bills, etc. 
  9. Have a main calendar for the family. Place it where everyone can see it. Use different colors for each person’s schedule.  REVIEW the calendar nightly!  If you don’t look at it you might as well not have one.
  10. Maintain a sense of humor. Everyone misses appointments, forgets things, has to find the cleanest dirty shirt to wear, or scrambles at the last minute to get things together.  Give yourself a break and go back to your system.
These are some of the things that I do to keep my life going on a somewhat even keel. I hope they help and if you have suggestions, send them along!