Imposter Syndrome: Five Ways to Fight Back

 

 I missed posting last month because July totally got away with me got away from me. Between attending the Golden Crown Literary Society conference, traveling a dear friend’s combination birthday and anniversary party, and visiting my mom, my writing time was limited. I used what time was available to work on my next novel.

Back in June, I promised an article on Imposter Syndrome, a condition that according to some statics affects 70% of the population at one time or another. Imposter Syndrome is that feeling/worry/anxiety that you don’t deserve/belong/ folks will find out you’re a fraud. Imposter Syndrome is insidious and can happen at any time. It can occur in your personal life, your professional life, and your creative life. This post offers five ways to deal with Imposter Syndrome in your creative life. Imposter Syndrome can occur with or without a triggering event.

Has this happened to you? You’re working on your manuscript, are excited to sit down to write, and you open the document. As soon the blank screen pops up, the ugly voice of Imposter Syndrome whispers that you should just quit now. It tells you that you don’t know enough to be. a writer. Your work is banal, boring, stupid worthless. No one cares what you have to say. These phrases or some version of them swirl around in your mind, throttling your creativity.  When Imposter Syndrome grabs you it pokes you in your most sensitive places.

Imposter syndrome will do its best to convince you that you are a terrible writer. It will insist you have no business writing. It will whisper in your ear that you have nothing to say, you’re a fraud, you’re not real. It thrives on shame, and fear. Imposter Syndrome, if left unchecked will convince you that you are not in any way, shape, or form a writer, and you should just save yourself the embarrassment and just quit.

Imposter Syndrome can be devasting to your creative career. It is the root cause of many cases of writer’s block. What can you do to stop that terrible nasty little voice?  Here are five things you can you do when feel uncertain, like you don’t belong, or that you shouldn’t have a seat at the table, that you’re in the wrong place, or that someone else is going to find out that you’re a fraud.

Five Ways to Fight Imposter Syndrome.

  1. Remember who you are. Make a list of things you have accomplished, don’t leave anything out. All those little and big things count, add to the list all the things you can do. Can you swim? Ride a bike? Cook a decent meal? Hang a picture? Are you a wiz at spreadsheets? No matter how routine, acknowledging your abilities can remind you that you are capable and deserving of all the things.
  2. Talk about it. Shame and guilt are big components of Imposter Syndrome. Imposter Syndrome lies to us about our worth. It tells us we are taking up space we don’t deserve, that we shouldn’t be where we are and that we are frauds. These are lies. The best way to get past these lies is to talk to people about how you are feeling. A wise therapist once said to me. “Feelings are real but they may not be based on truth or reality.” Take time to examine your feelings and the facts of the situation. Talk with a trusted friend or counselor about Imposter Syndrome.
  3. Don’t beat yourself up. Mistakes happen. Failure is part of learning and growth. If you experience a manuscript rejection, take some time to acknowledge your effort and bravery in submitting your work. Did the editor give you some feedback? Use that to rework your manuscript. Ask a trusted friend for if they would beta read for you. Don’t listen to the voice that says quit. Most folks who are traditionally published experience many rejections before their work is accepted.
  4. Celebrate yourself. Anything can be a win. Did you finish your draft? Complete a word count goal? Hit a consecutive day writing streak? Celebrate that! Use that energy to chase away the negative vibes Imposter Syndrome uses to hold you back.
  5. Talk the talk. Use your inner dialogue to build yourself up. When the gnarly Imposter Syndrome voice starts in, have a set response to its false statements. Flip the script on that jackass.

For Example:

Imposter Syndrome says: “You’re not a writer.”

You: “I write therefore I am a writer.”

Imposter Syndrome says, “No one will ever like what you write.”

You: “I like what I write, and out of all the folks in the universe, someone else besides me will like it too.”

You get the idea. Write down all the negative things that crowd out your positive thoughts and use that to create your own script. I won’t share my personal script because my language gets a little salty when I am chasing Imposter Syndrome out of my head.

I hope that these things will help you to kick Imposter Syndrome to the curb. Try them the next time Imposter Syndrome shows up. Remember, changing our feelings and beliefs about ourselves is hard, but not impossible. Use whatever tools you can to strengthen your belief in yourself. You are a writer. If you needed to hear that from someone other than yourself, here it is: You are a writer, and the world needs for your words.

 until next time,

Brenda

 

Back to Blogging and New Opportunities

typewriter is on top of a blue tableIt’s been a while since I’ve written for the blog, but I am dusting it off for several reasons. When I started the blog in 2014, I was anxious for a creative outlet. My early posts focused on book reviews, life with ADHD, parenting, and my experiments with different ways to organize myself as I worked toward submitting my work for publication.

After seven years work, I am an award winning author, with eighteen published books (soon to be nineteen). I am a hybrid author working with a traditional small press and indie publishing my shorter works.

So what does that mean for this blog? My new vision for the blog is one where I share writing tips, tools, software, and methods of work along with reviews of writing craft books. As before, you’ll never see pop-up ads or ads at all on the blog. You will see affiliate links from time to time when there are products that I use and think would help you. Affiliate links provide a small commission to me if folks purchase the item using my link. It doesn’t add to your costs, but it helps pay for web fees and keep the lights on for the blog.

When I started seriously working on developing my writing craft, I devoured writing blogs and craft books. I was always looking for ways to work with my brain, with my specific thought processes, and for help with my distraction issues. I found many blogs and books with great suggestions.  Some worked for me, and some didn’t. I’m still working on developing my craft and spend time each week reading craft books and putting into practice ideas and methods to hone my craft. No one ever achieves mastery in the writing craft, but you can always strive to improve your writing.
And that is key about future posts. If I present something on the blog as a method of work it has worked for me, or for folks I know, and your mileage may vary. So for better or worse, from now on, this blog will be focused on writing and working as a writer with distraction issues.

So no matter where you are in your writing journey, come along for the ride by subscribing to my new newsletter, also titled Writing While Distracted. In addition to exclusive newsletter content a few times a month, each time I publish the blog, it will arrive in your inbox. You won’t miss a post. This is a separate newsletter from my author newsletter so don’t worry about redundant content.

 Here is the link to sign up for the Writing While Distracted newsletter and your opportunity to receive my workbook on beating writer’s block. Sign up now because I have so many things I want to share with you all. Click below to sign up and access your free download. 

https://landing.mailerlite.com/webforms/landing/p9n3t3

See you soon!

Rainbow snippet January 11-12 2020

 

It’s a new year and I’m back with a #rainbowsnippet. I’ve been reconfiguring how I use my time in making content versus writing so I’m adjusting my blogging schedule accordingly.  I  am happy to announce that I pitched a podcast to the TLT also know as The Lesbian Talk Show and I will have more details about that in the next few weeks.

Soul Burn a  new release with Megan Hart that will be dropping January 27th and today’s snip is from my story in the duology. Have a great weekend Snipetters!

From Shifting Flames:

The things Eve had chosen to take with her intrigued Celeste. Her running shoes. An athlete’s choice. She’s built like a long-distance runner. Eve’s long legs rested against Celeste’s thighs, and Celeste imagined what it would be like to kneel between them and see Eve’s cruel beauty above her, one of her elegant hands wrapped in Celeste’s hair as she ordered her to do all kinds of deliciously dirty things. She stifled her groan and promised herself another hunt as soon as she had Eve settled.

Megan Hart, Brenda Murphy. Soul Burn out January 27th from Ninestar Press

Rainbow Snippets( https://www.facebook.com/groups/RainbowSnippets/)is a group for LGBTQ+ authors, readers, and bloggers to gather once a week to share six sentences from a work of fiction–a WIP or a finished work or even a 6-sentence book recommendation (no spoilers please!).

In this group, you’ll find anything from romance and historical fiction to mystery and YA. The common thread is that every story’s main character identifies as LGBTQ+. The snippets could range from zero flames to full-on sexytimes, anything goes content-wise. The only rule is snippets will be 6 sentences long–one for each color in the Pride flag.

Brenda Murphy writes erotic romance. Her novel, Knotted Legacy, made the 2018 The Lesbian Review’s Top 100 Vacation Reads list. She loves sideshows and tattoos and yes, those are her monkeys. When she is not loitering at her local library she wrangles two kids, one dog, and an unrepentant parrot. She reviews books, blogs about life as a writer with ADHD and publishes photographs on her blog Writing While Distracted. You can find her on Facebook by clicking here.  Sign Up for her email list here  www.brendalmurphy.com

Books available at

Amazon 

NineStar Press

Knotted Legacy

Both Ends of the Whip

ONE  

Sum of the Whole 

Dominique and Other Stories 

Complex Dimensions

Double Six

Rainbow Snippet September 14-15

Happy Weekend Snippeteers!  It’s time for another snippet. My novel Complex Dimensions now is available for pre-order now from Ninestars’ website as well as Amazon. This week’s snip finds Veronica and Millie in the kitchen, enjoy!

From Complex Dimensions:

MILLIE WORE A black tank top and her faded jeans rode low on her hips as she stirred a small red pot of soup. The smell of potatoes and beef filled the tiny space that served as the kitchen.

“Beef stew?” Veronica peered into the pan.

“Scotch Broth. Barley, potatoes, beef, mutton, peas, carrots, some onion.”

“Sounds like my grandma’s beef stew, except she doesn’t put mutton or barley in hers.” Veronica’s stomach growled.

Millie pointed at two bowls on the counter. “Hand me those and I’ll serve. I lived on this at Uni.”

Veronica passed her two bowls and Millie ladled the soup into them. “Spoons?”

“Top drawer. Crisps are in the cupboard.”

Veronica collected two spoons and pulled a lurid orange and yellow bag from the cupboard. “Nik-Naks Nice ’n’ Spicy. What the hell are these things? Nice and Spicy. What does that mean? Are they really?”

Millie tilted her head at Veronica. “You’ve been here four months and not had Nik-Naks?”

“I’ve been a little busy.” Veronica rested a hand on her hip, raised an eyebrow, and met Millie’s gaze.

 

Rainbow Snippetshttps://www.facebook.com/groups/RainbowSnippets/)is a group for LGBTQ+ authors, readers, and bloggers to gather once a week to share six sentences from a work of fiction–a WIP or a finished work or even a 6-sentence book recommendation (no spoilers please!).

In this group, you’ll find anything from romance and historical fiction to mystery and YA. The common thread is that every story’s main character identifies as LGBTQ+. The snippets could range from zero flames to full-on sexytimes, anything goes content-wise. The only rule is snippets will be 6 sentences long–one for each color in the Pride flag.

 

Brenda Murphy writes erotic romance. Her novel, Knotted Legacy, made The Lesbian Review’s 2018 Top 100 Vacation Reads list. She loves sideshows and tattoos and yes, those are her monkeys. When she is not loitering at her local library she wrangles two kids, one dog, and an unrepentant parrot. She reviews books, blogs about life as a writer with ADHD and publishes photographs on her blog Writing While Distracted. You can find her on Facebook by clicking here.   Sign Up for her email list here  www.brendalmurphy.com

Books available at

Amazon 

NineStar Press

Knotted Legacy

Both Ends of the Whip

ONE  

Sum of the Whole 

Dominique and Other Stories 

Complex Dimensions, the fourth book in the Rowan House series

Fun with the folks at WROTE

I had the opportunity to talk with the fabulus folks over at the WROTE Podcast. Check out my interview where I talk about the lessons I learned writing an accidental series, panty liners  and the small moments that change your life.

Rainbow Snippet August 24-25

Hello all, it is the weekend and time for another #rainbowsnippet. This week my kids went back to school, and I’m knee-deep in new projects, or as I like to think of it playing with my imaginary friends. My next Rowan House novel Complex Dimensions releases in a few weeks, so this week’s snip is a bit of Veronica and Millie. Enjoy.
From Complex Dimensions:
“Do you fancy a snack? Robin packed us some biscuits and sandwiches.”
Veronica smiled at Millie. “Not hungry”—she trailed her fingers down Millie’s arm leaving tiny raised hairs in their wake—”for cookies.”
Millie closed the flap on her saddle pack. “No?”
Veronica passed the water bottle back to Millie. “Nope.”
Millie stowed the water bottle in the pack. “Sandwich, then?”
“Not hungry for anything but you.” Veronica tugged her hand and pulled her into a kiss, loving the way Millie relaxed into her.
Millie’s hands rested on Veronica’s waist, her thumbs rubbing in small circles over Veronica’s hipbones. “And after Robin spent so long making us lunch.”
“Later.” Veronica had wrapped one arm around Millie’s broad shoulders, and with her other hand she played with the soft brush of hair on the back of her head.

 

Rainbow Snippets( https://www.facebook.com/groups/RainbowSnippets/)is a group for LGBTQ+ authors, readers, and bloggers to gather once a week to share six sentences from a work of fiction–a WIP or a finished work or even a 6-sentence book recommendation (no spoilers please!).

In this group, you’ll find anything from romance and historical fiction to mystery and YA. The common thread is that every story’s main character identifies as LGBTQ+. The snippets could range from zero flames to full-on sexytimes, anything goes content-wise. The only rule is snippets will be 6 sentences long–one for each color in the Pride flag.

Brenda Murphy writes erotic romance. Her novel, Knotted Legacy, made the 2018 The Lesbian Review’s Top 100 Vacation Reads list. She loves sideshows and tattoos and yes, those are her monkeys. When she is not loitering at her local library she wrangles two kids, one dog, and an unrepentant parrot. She reviews books, blogs about life as a writer with ADHD and publishes photographs on her blog Writing While Distracted. You can find her on Facebook by clicking here.  Sign Up for her email list here  www.brendalmurphy.com

Books available at

Amazon 

NineStar Press

Knotted Legacy

Both Ends of the Whip

ONE  

Sum of the Whole 

Dominique and Other Stories 

Rainbow Snippet June 29-30

A steamy Saturday here, and I spent the morning making dolmas from the grape leaves pruned from my backyard vines. A dear friend came over and shared his mother’s recipe and they were delicious. It made me think of all the wonderful food I wrote about in Both Ends of the Whip, my novel inspired by a trip to a vineyard in Northern Italy and so this week’s snip is a throwback from that novel.

Both End of the Whip is the second book in the Rowan House Series and was my first experiment in writing a poly romance. I hope you enjoy this snip.

From Both Ends of the Whip:

Vivian lifted her chin, her gaze steady. “I have the contracts here. They’re for six months. That should be enough time for all of us to decide if the arrangement is acceptable.” She lifted an elegant black fountain pen from the desk and uncapped it. With a flowing hand she signed her name to each document. She held the pen out, and Octavia walked to the desk. Her fingers brushed against Vivian’s as she took the pen, and a tingle of desire worked its way to her core. Octavia signed her name on the contract. Damn. Get it together. This is trouble. So much trouble. When she was finished, she laid the pen on the desk and glanced up into Vivian’s eyes. The tingle turned into a strong wave of heat. Looking away from Vivian, she stepped back.
Vivian picked up the pen and held it out for Bridget. With slow steps Bridget walked to the desk, her focus fixed on Vivian’s face. Octavia noted the small tremor that shook her hand as she took the pen from Vivian and the way Bridget lowered her gaze when Vivian looked at her. After signing her name, Bridget held the pen out with both hands, palms up, an offering. Vivian’s lips curved into a smile as she took the pen from Bridget’s uplifted hands.
She didn’t smile at me. What the hell is wrong with me? So what? Get it together. She’s our employer. Nothing more. Damn, she gets to me. And to Bridget.

Rainbow Snippets( https://www.facebook.com/groups/RainbowSnippets/)is a group for LGBTQ+ authors, readers, and bloggers to gather once a week to share six sentences from a work of fiction–a WIP or a finished work or even a 6-sentence book recommendation (no spoilers please!).

In this group, you’ll find anything from romance and historical fiction to mystery and YA. The common thread is that every story’s main character identifies as LGBTQ+. The snippets could range from zero flames to full-on sexytimes, anything goes content-wise. The only rule is snippets will be 6 sentences long–one for each color in the Pride flag.

Brenda Murphy writes erotic romance. Her novel, Knotted Legacy, made the 2018 The Lesbian Review’s Top 100 Vacation Reads list. She loves sideshows and tattoos and yes, those are her monkeys. When she is not loitering at her local library she wrangles two kids, one dog, and an unrepentant parrot. She reviews books, blogs about life as a writer with ADHD and publishes photographs on her blog Writing While Distracted. You can find her on Facebook by clicking here.  Sign Up for her email list here  www.brendalmurphy.com

Books available at

Amazon 

NineStar Press

Knotted Legacy

Both Ends of the Whip

ONE  

Sum of the Whole 

Dominique and Other Stories 

Rainbow Snippets June 1-2


Hello
Snippeteers,

 This week’s snip is from a project I started years ago and recently dusted off. When I started it I had no idea how to structure a novel and get to the end. Six years and seven novels later I feel like I have a handle on that part. I’ve written contemporary romance for the last six years but this spring I wrote a paranormal novella. It was fresh and fun and I and decided I needed to revisit this story.  On Friday, I scored a fantastic premade cover from the fabulous May Dawney. Check out her designs here. And now I can’t wait to work on this story again. 

A rough draft snip from Helen and Lucinda (working title)

Helen rested her hands on the rough stones of the parapet. Beads of sweat dotted her forehead and soaked the band of her eye patch.  Moonlight made dense black shadows on the worn grey blocks of the tower floor and the soft rustling sound of wings cut through the humid night air. Helen’s breath hitched, and she shivered in spite of the heat.

Moonlight made dense black shadows on the worn grey stones. The soft rustling sound of wings cut through the humid night air. Helen’s breath hitched, and she shivered in spite of the heat. Her thin nightdress accented her curves and she plucked at the fabric that clung to her heavy breasts and half-hard nipples.

Lucinda’s winged form blotted out the full moon as she glided to a stop in front of Helen.

“Miss me?”  Lucinda’s eyes glittered, bright against her pale green skin.

Unable to look away from Lucinda’s obsidian eyes, Helen swallowed on a dry throat before she whispered her answer.  “Yes.”

“Sorry I kept you waiting.”

“You’re here now.” Helen took a step forward, lifted her chin and fixed her gaze on Lucinda’s lush mouth.

“So I am.”  Lucinda twined her long arms about Helen, and her wings curtained around them as she pulled her into a tight embrace.

Helen sighed against Lucinda’s mouth as she tipped her head back and relaxed into her touch and the urgency of her kiss.

Rainbow Snippets( https://www.facebook.com/groups/RainbowSnippets/)is a group for LGBTQ+ authors, readers, and bloggers to gather once a week to share six sentences from a work of fiction–a WIP or a finished work or even a 6-sentence book recommendation (no spoilers please!).

In this group, you’ll find anything from romance and historical fiction to mystery and YA. The common thread is that every story’s main character identifies as LGBTQ+. The snippets could range from zero flames to full-on sexytimes, anything goes content-wise. The only rule is snippets will be 6 sentences long–one for each color in the Pride flag.

Brenda Murphy writes erotic romance. Her novel, Knotted Legacy, made The Lesbian Review’s Top 100 Vacation Reads list for 2018. She loves sideshows and tattoos and yes, those are her monkeys. When she is not loitering at her local library she wrangles two kids, one dog, and an unrepentant parrot. She reviews books, blogs about life as a writer with ADHD and publishes photographs on her blog Writing While Distracted. You can find her on Facebook by clicking here.  Sign Up for her email list here  www.brendalmurphy.com

Books available at

Amazon 

NineStar Press

Knotted Legacy

Both Ends of the Whip

ONE  

Sum of the Whole 

Dominique and Other Stories 

Rainbow Snippet May 25-26

 

Hello Snippeteers,

I’m celebrating this week because I submitted my erotic paranormal romance duology with Megan Hart to my editor at NineStar press. Today’s Rainbow Snippet is from my story in the duology, Shifting Flames.

Eve and Celeste have been two of my favorite characters to write and I expect that I will write more paranormal romances after dipping my fingers into the genre, so to speak.   I’m taking some time off this summer to noodle my next series and spend some time with my family but I will keep up with snips. Be sure to check out the other fabulous snips from other others at #rainbowsnippets

From Shifting Flames:

After lunch Eve returned to the study. Celeste was standing at the window her hand against the pane of glass, staring out at the valley.

“Are you okay?” Eve placed the cup of coffee she had brought with her on the desk.

Celeste turned from the window and shrugged her shoulders. “I’m sorry for before. I’m ready to work now.”

Eve sat and opened her laptop. “Why don’t we set some guidelines, map out what is most important to you as a storyteller, then we’ll work through the scenes and dialogue to make that happen.”

“Are you a magician? You think we can really tell the story in one-hundred ten scenes? I must have been mad to agree to this.” Celeste turned back to the window, her hands clenched into fists.

“Look at me.”

Celeste turned back to Eve.

“We can do this. It may not be exactly what you want but if you’re serious we can make this happen. Trust me. Please.” Eve held Celeste’s gaze. “Don’t give up on this.”

Celeste rested her hands on her hips and inclined her head toward the window and the snowstorm outside. “It’s not like I could send you away.”

Rainbow Snippets( https://www.facebook.com/groups/RainbowSnippets/)is a group for LGBTQ+ authors, readers, and bloggers to gather once a week to share six sentences from a work of fiction–a WIP or a finished work or even a 6-sentence book recommendation (no spoilers please!).

In this group, you’ll find anything from romance and historical fiction to mystery and YA. The common thread is that every story’s main character identifies as LGBTQ+. The snippets could range from zero flames to full-on sexy times, anything goes content-wise. The only rule is snippets will be 6 sentences long–one for each color in the Pride flag.

Brenda Murphy writes short fiction and novels. She loves tattoos and sideshows and yes, those are her monkeys.  When she is not loitering at her local library and writing, she wrangles two kids, one dog, and an unrepentant parrot.  She reviews books, blogs about life as a writer with ADHD and publishes photographs on her blog Writing While Distracted. You can find her on Facebook by clicking here.  For news about upcoming releases, appearances, sneak peeks and giveaways sign Up for her email list at  www.brendalmurphy.com

Books available at

Amazon 

NineStar Press

Knotted Legacy

Both Ends of the Whip

ONE  

Sum of the Whole 

Dominique and Other Stories 

 

Rainbow Snippet May 11- 12

Hello Snippeteers,

I’ve been hard at work on my paranormal romance and this week I have a snip for you. This a first draft so somethings may change.  I hope you enjoy Eve and Celeste as much as well I’ve enjoyed writing them.

From Shifting Flames:

The ride in back to her house did nothing to cool the desire that had stirred in Celeste after her initial meeting with Eve. Her foiled hunt had left her beast restless and hungry. Not hungry. Famished. Starving. The press of Eve’s body against her fanned the embers of a long banked fire. So long. Ten years. So long since she had even entertained the idea of indulging her needs. A wet ache settled between her legs.  Eve’s surprising push-back was refreshing after the succession of spineless screenwriters sent to work with her, each one convinced that working with Celeste to bring her perennial  best selling novel to the big screen would make their careers. Not this one. She knows her worth. Owns her power.   

The anger and rage that flashed in Eve’s chestnut brown eyes when Celeste challenged her had stirred her blood and desire had flared within her body.  Memories of Eve’s wild mane of dark hair framing her high cheekbones and angular face and the way her full mouth had pulled into a snarl when Celeste had teased her about working naked made saliva pool in Celeste’s mouth as she thought about kissing the impatient expression off her face. She gave over to her fantasy as she navigated the track back to the house.  Celeste mulled Eve’s possible response if she pushed her a harder, would she cave? Become another obsequious disappointment? Or would she rise to the occasion and give Celeste what she had craved since Lorraine’s passing.

Rainbow Snippets( https://www.facebook.com/groups/RainbowSnippets/)is a group for LGBTQ+ authors, readers, and bloggers to gather once a week to share six sentences from a work of fiction–a WIP or a finished work or even a 6-sentence book recommendation (no spoilers please!).

In this group, you’ll find anything from romance and historical fiction to mystery and YA. The common thread is that every story’s main character identifies as LGBTQ+. The snippets could range from zero flames to full-on sexytimes, anything goes content-wise. The only rule is snippets will be 6 sentences long–one for each color in the Pride flag.

Brenda Murphy writes erotic romance. Her novel, Knotted Legacy, made The Lesbian Review’s Top 100 Vacation Reads list for 2018. She loves sideshows and tattoos and yes, those are her monkeys. When she is not loitering at her local library, she wrangles two kids, one dog, and an unrepentant parrot. She reviews books, blogs about life as a writer with ADHD and publishes photographs on her blog Writing While Distracted. You can find her on Facebook by clicking here. For sneak peeks, more a few rants and news about upcoming releases, sign up for her email list here  www.brendalmurphy.com

Books available at

Amazon 

NineStar Press

Knotted Legacy

Both Ends of the Whip

ONE  

Sum of the Whole 

Dominique and Other Stories