A Year of Women’s Voices: Patti Smith’s Just Kids

Posted on by

 

2014

I have been a Patti Smith fan since high school. I wore out my copy of Horses. I could not get enough. In college I played Patti Smith loud to annoy the preppys and the narrow-minded.
I loved her lyrics and punk sound. The gender bending album cover and lack of make-up made me want to be in her world.

Later I found her poetry and have remained as enamored of her as I was in high school.  In 2010 her memoir Just Kids won a well deserved National Book Award. I say well deserved because she is an engaging story-teller and writer. She brings a poet’s rhythm and word craft to the story of her young life, and her relationship with Robert Mapplethorpe. She is humble and honest. I have read a number of memoirs that are maudlin, poorly written, or deify belief. Just Kids is all that a memoir should be, a true telling of events that engages your senses and soul.

What I have learned as a writer reading and listening to Patti Smith:
1. Don’t be afraid to be who you are.
2. Ugly can be beautifully written.
3. Be honest.
4. Pay attention to the rhythm of your words.
5. Not everyone will understand your work, don’t let it stop you.

Here is a link to one of my favorite Patti Smith songs. I want you to imagine it played at top volume on a turntable in a tiny dorm room with punk posters on the wall, and illegal beer stashed in the shower. Enjoy!

 

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=xACZHv-sLCg&autoplay=1

Embracing the Work of You: Ten Tips for a More Organized Life

Posted on by
Bucky 2009

Staying on top of your “to do” list. Being on time. Having clean clothes. Being able to find what you need when you need it. Staying on a task until it its complete. ADD/ADHD makes each of these tasks seem impossible at times. I often feel like Sisyphus, rolling that dang bolder up the hill just to watch it roll away again.

The truth is, no one ever has it all together. Everyone struggles to keep up with their lives. For those of us with distraction issues it feels like we carry extra weight on our journey.

I have a great brain for remembering every little bit of information that comes my way, but I still have to put the car keys away in the same place every time, or I can not remember where I put them.  I label the shelves in the refrigerator so I can remember to put food back where it goes, and my toothbrush has colored tape on it because I can’t remember which color toothbrush is mine. Silly? Maybe, but it keeps my from brushing my teeth with other peoples toothbrushes!

 When I get frustrated with myself have to remember that most people do not contend with a brain that will drop everything to watch, and perhaps follow a stray ant that happens along. Most people can filter out the unimportant from the important. Most people would comprehend that starting that wallpaper stripping project at midnight,  just because you notice that part of it is already starting to peel anyway, might not be a good course of action.

After years of being angry and frustrated with myself, I finally decided to make friends with my brain, and to find ways to work with what I have.  If you are struggling with organization, and keeping up with events in your life try these organization tips.

  1. Automate everything possible.  Sign up for E-Bills, schedule up automatic bill payments, schedule routine deliveries of household items (toilet paper, etc.),  subscribe to mail order/ automatic prescriptions refills.  Take advantage of services available. 
  2. Use labels on the outside, and on the inside containers, drawers, and cupboards to help you remember what goes where and where things are.  For young kids pictures work well. The inside label system  works well for chests of drawers and helps to keep clothing organized.
  3. Use a checklist for groceries. There are many free downloads on line. Find one and use it, or create your own. Train everyone to check things off as you use them.
  4. Create a landing zone and have a routine for entering the house. This works for kids and adults. Create a routine, such as: hang keys up, shoes off, coats hung, bags/ backpacks/ purses/ etc hung up, hands washed. Cubbies, hooks, key racks and shoe racks work well to keep things off the floor and where you need them when you leave. 
  5. Create a household task schedule. It can be a simple as knowing that every Wednesday and Sunday you are doing laundry, and cleaning the bathroom every Saturday.
  6. Clean the kitchen after each time you cook. This will 1) save you money as you will not be as tempted to go out to eat, or order a pizza, and 2) provide a sense of accomplishment because at least the kitchen is clean!
  7. Lay out out your clothes for the next day, have your kids do the same. This will save time in the morning, and prevent last minute scurrying around trying to find clothes that fit, and that are clean. 
  8. Have a place to open mail and pay bills. Do not open mail anyplace else. Train everyone to place mail in the same place.  This system will prevent lost misplaced bills, etc. 
  9. Have a main calendar for the family. Place it where everyone can see it. Use different colors for each person’s schedule.  REVIEW the calendar nightly!  If you don’t look at it you might as well not have one.
  10. Maintain a sense of humor. Everyone misses appointments, forgets things, has to find the cleanest dirty shirt to wear, or scrambles at the last minute to get things together.  Give yourself a break and go back to your system.
These are some of the things that I do to keep my life going on a somewhat even keel. I hope they help and if you have suggestions, send them along! 

Writing with Kids: Seven Tips to Keep Your Writing Schedule on Track

Posted on by

Pond 2014

Summer is my favorite time of year.  I love being in the garden, playing with my kids, hiking and cooking out. I really love not having to get the kids up and out for school in the morning. The down side of Summer is trying to make sure that I meet my writing goals.  In addition to everyday distractions, out of town guests, vacations, and kids at home make it difficult to keep a regular writing schedule. There are so many more shiny objects to deal with in Summer!

These are my seven tips to keep you writing over the Summer.

1. Change your schedule, get up before the kids, or stay up after they go to bed.

2. Barter with them: leave me alone to write for one hour, or set a timer for younger kids, and then we can play a game/ go to the pool/ etc.

3. Use family trips for research, take notes for current or future works.

4. Save Summer for edits. I find it easier to fix things than write new words when I have short bits of time.

5. Treat your writing like a job, because it is.  Explain to your family that you have to write for a certain time each day.

6. Establish a quiet time each day, use it as your writing time. Having a set time each day for reading, drawing, painting, or other quiet creative activity is good for everyone. If your kids have summer reading for school, or as part of a library summer reading program this is great way to help them meet their goals

7. Don’t give up! Something is better than nothing, use the time you have to get words written.

Finally, don’t stress. Give yourself permission to have smaller writing goals, and have fun. Summer only happens once a year, and if you have kids, they are only kids once.

Powerful and Evocative: Octavia Butler

Posted on by

 

Give me the thorns…

It was 1981 when I discovered Octavia Butler’s fiction.  I fell hard, reading everything that I could find that she had written.  As an long time fan of Science Fiction/Fantasy, I craved stories that featured women as more than objectified window dressing. Octavia Butler’s writing is populated with women who are intelligent, strong, survivors, and creators.   Her writing is evocative and powerful. Crisp and clear, her pacing forces you to read on, long after you should have turned off the light.

Octavia Butler was not afraid to write about pain, death, rape, slavery, the future, sexual violence, power dynamics, and racism. The difficult topics that so many writers look away from, or gloss over in their work, she featured front and center in her stories.  Her writing pulls you close, and forces you to keep reading, even when part of you wants to look away. Her language is intoxicating. Her voice draws you into her world, and everything else falls away. Be warned: Ms. Butler will make you think about things you might not want to think about.

My favorite books/stories are:

1. Blood Child- (Blood Child and other Stories, 1995)  Insects, male pregnancy, power dynamics and love.  This story won both the HUGO and the Nebula award. It was the first of her works I read, and the one I go back to when I need a fix.

2. Fledgling (2005) Vampires, Race, and Society.  A welcome twist on the vampire motif. No sparkly vampires here!

3. Kindred (1979) Nightmare fantasy, time travel, and slavery. Read it at least twice to get the full effect. Her ability to weave past and present events is exceptional.

4. Lilith’s Brood ( Xenogenisis Trilogy- published as omnibus editions since 2000) – Genetics, third gender extraterrestrials, sex and power dynamics.  Lover or master? Rescued or captured? Or all of the above? This collection of stories is seductive and terrifying.

5. Parable of the Sower (1993) Dystopian future, Race,  the power of learning, a new religion, and hope.  This novel reminds me that there is always a way forward for those that strive to make their own way.

What I have learned as a writer reading Octavia Butler:
1. Don’t be afraid of exploring and writing the hard stuff: Race, gender dynamics, sexual violence, power dynamics, hate, and love.
2. Wrapping difficult topics in a captivating story makes them provocative and powerful.
3. Story construction and pacing is as important as word choice.

Octavia Butler left us in 2006. I still grieve for the stories she had inside that we didn’t get to read.

You Have to Crawl before You Run: Tarts and the Craft of Writing

Posted on by
Ohau 2011
So what the heck to tarts, a crawling baby, and writing have to do with each other? You fall a lot, you try different things, sometimes you cry, eventually you stand up and take your first steps, then you run.  
Asparagus and Mushroom Tart
I love to cook. I love trying to master new recipes and different cooking techniques. This is a picture of my first tart. I didn’t own a tart pan, and had to make do with what I had. It tasted okay, but the crust was wrong. This tart asparagus and mushroom tart was dense and tasteless, with too much cream, and too much sharp cheddar. I know that learning to make a good tart is going to take time, practice and analysis of what works, and what does not.  
Walking,  making a good tart, and writing a good story, take practice, experimentation, and time. 
The way to become proficient at walking is to keep standing up and taking steps, the way to become a good cook is to keep cooking, and the way to becoming a good writer is to keep writing. 
I did not become a good cook over night. I started cooking when I was fourteen. Over the last forty years I have studied, taken cooking classes, watched cooking shows, experimented, and kept cooking. I have had my share of kitchen disasters, but I never stopped cooking. 
 Leaning to write is like learning to walk, and learning to cook. You just have to keep practicing.
 Take your time.  Write everyday. Write for yourself. Try different things. Practice. Submit a manuscript. Deal with rejection. Keep writing.  

All the things I did when I was supposed to be writing my blog post

Posted on by
Maui 2009

I started out strong, tucked into my in my favorite coffee shop words flowing, but then two loud talkers came in and started talking about their lives. So I packed up and went to my office to write, forgetting that the reason I was in the coffee shop is because my office is a complete wreck with post-conference materials, general debris, and change of season clothes bins.
So I:
1. Started cleaning up my office, stepped on my favorite hot pink clipboard, broke it. Did not finish office cleaning.
2. Looked online for professional office cleaning services that could help me out next time so I don’t end up breaking more stuff.
3. Looked through all my office supplies for a suitable replacement. Yes, I have an office supply addiction, don’t you?
4. Stopped off at the library on my way to get new clipboard, picked up books on hold, signed kids up for summer storytime, chatted with the librarian.
5. Went to office supply store to get clipboard, remembered I needed toner, found toner, spent time wandering around looking for a new clipboard, ogling office supplies, and fondling pens. Loitered talking with my favorite store clerk. Yes, she knows my name, and that I sometimes refer to her as my dealer. I told you, I have an addiction.
6. Remember that we are out of bread. Go by grocery store to get bread, run into friend, talk about Summer plans, pick up potato chips, get in line to buy chips, have to leave line to get bread that I went in for.
7. Get to school early for pick up, and write this in the while waiting in the car. Make notes and deepen outline for the post I did not write.

So it goes. I realized that my difficultly writing this week’s post is that I have not done enough thinking about the topic I wanted to write about. I often find myself procrastinating/ self-interrupting when I have not spent enough time noodling/researching my topic.
The take away is this: when a piece you are working on doesn’t work, it is okay put it aside and give yourself time to think about what your want to write. This is not the same as abandoning a project, although sometimes that is the wisest thing to do.

Figuring out when to quit, when to let something rest, and when to press on is part of understanding yourself. For those of us with attention issues, this is particularly difficult as we often have exciting ideas about other projects that would be so much more fun/exciting/better than what we are doing at the moment.

When the urge hits to abandon a project I ask myself these five questions.

  1. Will it make a difference in my life if I quit?
  2. Do I need information/ resources/ help to complete this project?
  3. Is there a way to change the project so that I will want to do it?
  4. Will quitting cause a problem for important people in my life?
  5. What would make me want to finish the project?
The answers to these questions help me determine if my procrastination is really just thinking in disguise. When the urge to quit hits, try asking yourself these questions and give yourself permission to creatively procrastinate.

Tips for Listening or “I swear we never talked about that!”

Posted on by

They are all ears!

Improving your listening skills may not be easy, but it should be a priority. Listening is the key to good relationships, following directions, understanding others, and success. It is a difficult task for those of us with ADD/ADHD.  Our minds pick up words randomly and start new lines of thoughts in our heads, while you are still talking to us. Our brains haphazardly latch on to phrases, we notice your sparkly jewelry, someone walks by, and we struggle to focus on what you are saying to us. If we are the middle of another task, and you talk to us, we will respond.  You will leave thinking we heard you, and we will be left wondering what it was you said to us.

Unlike people who struggle to listen because they are thinking of their response,  ADD/ADHD folks are trying to sort unimportant information from important information.  We are trying to reel in our brains that have gone on off on some tangent, provoked by a word, or phrase in the conversation.

Given our impulse control issues, this leads to us blurting out some truly off the wall comments in the middle of conversations.  This can cause people to  think that we are:  A) crazy,  B) rude, or C) all of the above.  Developing listening skills takes work.

If you struggle with listening try these three tips:

1) Speak up if you are having a hard time concentrating. This means admitting to people that you have no idea what they just said. Ask to move the conversation to a less distraction filled location.

2) Stop. If you are doing another activity, and it is safe for your to stop that activity, do it. Trying to listen while doing anything else is a sure way to fail.

3) Turn off, or put away electronic devices. Turn off the TV, stick your phone in your pocket, close your laptop, put down the game console, etc.  Screens are death to listening.

As hard as it is to listen in relationships and intimate settings, listening during lectures, and in classroom settings is more problematic. We are surround by other people, and not in control of the environment. An open window, a windy day, anything, and nothing can distract us from the listening. When we  are able to listen, our brains gobble up all material presented, often in no particular order.

 To improve your listening skills in lectures and classroom settings try these three tips:

  1) Take notes. If you do not have a system for taking notes, or if you have a young person who is struggling with how to listen and take notes, this is a  great link to PDF of how to use the Cornell Note taking system .   Over the years I have modified the Cornell System  to work with my visual style of learning.  In addition to using the Cornell system, I add flow charts and use sketches to define key words.

2) Limit distractions in your environment. Choose a seat that distances you from distractions. Sit in the front of the room,  try to sit with your back to windows,  and avoid sitting next to anyone using their computer to take notes.

3) It you feel yourself drifting, get up and stand at the back of the room. It may make it harder to take notes, but standing can help you focus. If you have hyperactivity issues, a fidget, aka a small item you can manipulate, can help improve your focus.  This article explains fidgets for ADHD (http://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/8706.html) .  I have used fidgets for years, and find it useful to keep my hands busy in order to sit still.   Fidgets like this can be a big help for adults,  for kids there are fidgets like these  .  If you want to send your child to school with a fidget, make sure to check with the teacher first, find a fidget that is quiet, to avoid distracting to other children.

I hope these tips help. For more information on how to improve your listening skills, I recommend  The Lost Art of Listening: How Learning to Listen Can Improve Your Relationships by Michael P. Nichols, PhD .  My copy is highlighted and underlined.  Although the book is does not specifically address ADD/ADHD issues and listening, it made a very big difference in my life.  Improve your listening skills.  The people in your life will thank you for doing it.

The bird is listening…

ADHD and Conferences- My Top Ten Survival Tips

Posted on by

Stocking Stuffers for certain friends. You know who you are.

I spent last weekend attending Chicago North- RWA’s Spring Fling 2014.  If you are a fiction writer and ever consider going to a conference, I highly recommend that you mark your calendar for the 2016 conference. The conference was well organized, information packed, and fun.  I saw old friends, made new friends, and won a basket raffle.

Beth Kery Books and Bath Basket. Beth Kery and her books rock!

 I came home energized, and in possession of new information and ideas that I will be able to incorporate into my writing and my career.  This conference is outstanding for the way it strikes a balance between business of writing sessions, and craft of writing sessions.  As a writer it is so wonderful to be with people who understand the drive and desire to write. They understand your need to write stories about your imaginary friends.  I had the opportunity to meet and interact with successful multi-published authors who could not have been more open, friendly, helpful, and inspiring.

Attending conferences as an individual with ADHD can be overwhelming, like locked in a Christmas Shop kind of overwhelming.  Several factors contribute to this:

1) Adrenalin. A new place with new people, unfamiliar surroundings, and many new things to look
at / do / interact with.

2) Information overload. Attending sessions packed full of information can make your head feel like it is about to explode ala Scanners. ( If you have never seen Scanners, I only recommend it for the exploding heads.)

3) People overload. It can be overwhelming to meet new people.  Trying to pay attention/ sort out/ keep track of new faces and names can make your already over-full brain, shut down and refuse to process any more new information. This is why you meet someone, and when you run into them an hour later at a different session you can not remember their name. This is the time to take advantage of the name tags everyone wears!

As a professional I have attended many conferences. Many times I would come home exhausted and frustrated rather than full and energized. My frustration would stem from knowing I had the opportunity to learn valuable information, and the potential to meet really great people, but having been overwhelmed, my brain would shut down. I would come home with a bunch of scribbled notes, and the feeling I had missed something.  Over the years, I have developed a set of strategies that help me enjoy and get the most out of a conference.

Top Ten Tips for Thriving in a Conference Environment.

1) Don’t forget to eat. It is so easy to get caught up  in everything that you forget to eat. Your brain and your body need food.  Make good food choices. It is fine to have some fun eating away from home but do not go crazy eating nothing but sweet sugary treats and drinking your caffeinated beverage of choice. No matter how fun it is. This goes for visits to the bar too.

Pace yourself!

2) Hydrate! Your brain is made up of water, a minor level of dehydration impairs brain function, sugary drinks, sweets, and alcohol all work to dehydrate your brain.

3) Sit up front in panels and presentations. Not having a lot of people around you is less distracting. Take notes, or doodle if the information is preprinted.  Giving your hands something to do will help you retain the information presented.

4) If you take electronic notes I recommend using the Evernote app.  I discuss using the Evernote app in this post (My Brain is Full Post ).   Evernote provides me with something I have never had before, legible, organized notes. It is so easy to let conference notes in a half filled notebook languish in some bottom drawer.  Evernote is an easy way to ensure that your notes are organized, and useful.

5) Plan your day with alternatives.  If you get to a session that is too full, have a back up session or activity planned. I have issues with small spaces and too many people,  so I always have a back up plan.

6) Plan for breaks to walk outside and get some fresh air.  It doesn’t have to be long, but it helps to clear your head and wake up your brain. Being in nature also gives your adrenals a rest.

7) Expect to not sleep.  The combination of a new place, seeing people you only get to see at conferences, and adrenalin surges from the Christmas shop effect will hamper your sleep. Do the best you can. Plan a power nap if you know you are going to be at a late session.

8) Try to take a mental break before bed.  No screens (computer, phone, TV) for at least one hour before bed.

9) Make it a goal to stretch yourself. Meet new people. Try to make at least one new acquaintance.

10) Have fun!  
My wonderful in-laws came to help with the kids while I was gone.

                   
These are just gratuitous pictures of my adorable kids.

Why I love The Bloggess AKA Jenny Lawson

Posted on by

 

Hanoi Airport, 2009

This is the second installment in the year of Women’s Voices series and the featured voice belongs to Jenny Lawson aka The Bloggess. Her book Let’s Pretend This Never Happened ( A Mostly True Memoir  is funny, heartbreaking and full of weirdness.  Her memoir is an open discussion of her struggles with depression, distraction, and anxiety. I adored her twisted tales of family, love, death, and taxidermy.

As someone who has had my share of weird adventures that are tragic/comic, reading this book felt like I was a sitting in a bar with an old friend. In our family and in my circle of friends, when things are bleak, we always find something to laugh about, even if we end up crying at the same time. This book is like that. Be warned, some might find her humor and style offensive. If you are at all freaked out by discussions of taxidermy, this is not the book for you.  If you want to sample her writing style before committing to the book, check out her blog here  thebloggess.com .

As a writer, the lessons of story and craft that I gleaned from this book are:

  1.  Be honest, except when an exaggeration will make better copy.
  2. Swearing is okay if done artfully, and she is a freaking Picasso with curse words. For those of you who know me: she swears more than I do, which is saying a lot!
  3. Do not be afraid to talk about the hard things, for example: exhuming dead pets, losing a baby, and taxidermy puppets.
  4. No matter how weird it gets, it can get weirder, and funnier.
  5. Truth can be funnier than fiction.
As a fiction writer I don’t have any plans to write a memoir, but after reading Let’s Pretend This Never Happened: (A Mostly True Memoir),  I know that if I did, I would strive to be as funny and as honest as Jenny Lawson.
2014

Timers-Not just for Cooking

Posted on by
Throw back Timer

Looking back over my posts on how to get things done when you have distraction issues, I talk a lot about using timers. I did not grow up in a home where kitchen timers were used. My mom never used one. I can’t smell the aroma of burnt rice, and not think of my mom. I am not sure when I figured out that the smoke alarm was a poor excuse for a kitchen timer.  I will tell you this: using timers when cooking transformed my kitchen skills.

 For years I used the alarm settings on my digital watch, now I use the timer on my phone because it is loud enough I can hear it over the usual pre-schooler chaos in my house.  A timer does not serve you if you can not hear it.  An added feature of using my phone is the ability to set multiple alarms.

ADD-Friendly Ways to Organize Your Life by J. Kolberg and K. Nadeau (Buy the book here)  has a very good explanation of how using timers assists ADD/ADHD individuals with time/life management. I found this book at a time when I was really struggling with keeping things together, and it remains one of the most helpful books I have ever read.  My copy is well-worn and tabbed. These are some of the ways I learned to use timers and alarms to overcome my distraction issues.

 Cooking. This is the most obvious, and common use for timers.  When I don’t use my phone, I have a kitchen timer that has a clip so you can clip it to your clothes, and take it with you.This is very helpful for those of us who decide in the middle of fixing dinner that some household project needs to be started/finished, etc.  I am really partial to the digital ones that count down from when the alarm goes off so if you can’t get to the oven at the precise moment things are done you know how long it has been since you missed the alarm.

Laundry.  I  use a timer when doing laundry, and this cuts down on the “Damn- how long has this load of laundry been in here?!” factor, and rewashing clothes because you got distracted while doing the laundry. It also keeps the laundry moving, taking advantage of the residual heat in the dryer.

Writing. I use a timer when I do sprints, challenging myself to write 1000 words in one hour,  and when I am breaking up my writing time by devoting set times to different works-in-progress. I also set an alarm to remind me to pick up the kids. This lets me focus on my writing and not worry that I am going to be late picking them up from school. When you only have 2.45 hours of kid-free writing time you have to make every second count.

Cleaning up with the kids. We set the timer and play beat the clock, racing around trying to see who can pick up the most toys. It makes picking up the toys more fun, although it can get pretty competitive and sometimes we have to stop to break up the melee that results.

 Any task that I really do not want to do.  I set the timer for ten minutes and give myself permission to quit after ten minutes if I want to do something else. Most often, I get over myself and just finish the dang thing because I want to get it over with after I started it.

Exercise. I set the timer when I exercise so that I can focus on the exercise itself.  There are some great exercise program apps that have timers built in. Using a timer instead of counting reps for exercises allows you to work at your own pace, and tailor the workout to your fitness level. These programs also are body weight programs and do not require equipment. My favorite apps are The Seven Minute Workout (free) ,  and YAYOG ( You Are Your Own Gym- $).

There are many timers on the market for people with ADD/ADHD.  For children, these are wearable timers that look, and function like a digital watch, with the added benefit of vibration so the alarm can be discreet, and kids can wear them to school. The Watchminder is also marketed to adults/seniors. Using timers with kids can decrease the parent nag/kid resist behavior loop.

 Wearable timers designed for use by adults/kids have the ability to set multiple alarms, some also function as count-down timers, and stop watches.  These timers are great to use with kids too young to use phones, non-smart phone users, kids/adults whose phones are a distraction, and kids/adults that work in environments that do not allow cell phones.

Using timers with kids with distraction issues, organizational issues, or  ADD/ADHD is a great way to help them focus, learn to monitor their own behavior, and teach them ways to overcome their distraction issues.  Learning self-management is a great self-esteem booster for kids. For parents, using timers with kids decreases parent stress by letting kids take responsibility for their behavior.

Learning to use timers changed my life in very positive ways.  Timers decrease stress in my life. If you haven’t tried using timers, experiment with them. See if they make a difference for you.

Geeky but functional.