Category Archives: Self-care

Flexibility and ADD/ADHD: Why it is hard to shift gears

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So my driveway has looked like this for the last three weeks. Yes, that is my backyard on the other side and the only way to get to it is to walk around the block to the back gate. The second week of driveway repair, my tub leaked into the ceiling, which then looked like this,

and the plumber couldn’t get back to fix it for a week.

That being said, I have had better luck trying to replace our windows. The windows in our property have needed replacing for some time now. As windows get older they can often get damaged by bad weather and this can cause them to let in a draft. Over time this can actually have an impact on your utility bills as you end up having to use more energy than necessary to keep your home warm.

Anyway, a friend of ours who lives in Missouri told me that she managed to find an amazing window replacement company online by searching for ‘replacement windows kansas city‘. We all search for things online nowadays, so if ever you need a home renovation expert to take care of any remodeling work on your property, doing some research online and comparing your options can help you to find the best possible contractor at the most affordable price for your budget.

Ultimately, I was able to find a great window company in our area and they have promised to visit us at some point over the next couple of weeks.

So what has all this got to do with flexibility?

For folks with ADD/ADHD we struggle to find our equilibrium when our routines are disrupted. I have misplaced my keys three times in one day, because my driveway is still under construction, and we can’t use our normal route in and out of the house. Where do I hang my coat and keys? Where are we going to keep the leashes, shoes, coats, bags, and everything else we have organized to make getting out of the house easier?

Most people can adapt and adjust to a disruption of their routines pretty quickly. ADD/ADHD folks find it much harder to adjust. It often takes us a very long time to find a routine that enables us to accomplish our goals. We seem inflexible because any disruption of our routine makes it that much harder for us to get out of the door and accomplish anything because we feel frustrated, confused, and angry at the disruption.
We can’t let go of our routines, and we can’t let go of our desire to return to what was working. We sabotage ourselves so often, that when our routine is disrupted from the outside, we freak out, call it a wash, act out, and get nothing done.

Here are my five tips for coping when an event disrupts your routine.

1. If your normal staging area is blocked (your landing/take off pad), take the time to establish a new one. You will waste less time in the long run.
2. Forget about keeping all of your routines in place. Breathe. Decide what is most important. Enlist help from other people if you need help with sorting important tasks from unimportant tasks.
3. Understand that home improvement projects are unpredictable. Estimated completion times are just that, an estimate.
4. Remember to eat well. Do not fall into the uber-caffeinated/ junk food/ drink a lot/ screw all my good intentions/ I’m stressed out because my house is broken, excuse.
5. If you work at home, try and stick to your office routine. If you can not work because the noise of the project is disruptive, or watching the large equipment is hypnotic, find another site to work. Libraries often have study rooms you can use during school hours. I call the local library my branch office.
6. Do not start any new projects, even if you really, really want to because of the stress.
7. Remember renovation/ home improvement projects are hard on other family members, including pets. Work together to figure out what works for everyone.

I hope these tips help. Remember if it all is too much, you can always watch the heavy equipment.

 

 

Reminding Myself to Slow Down

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Many of my friends posted pictures of their kids going to Homecoming dances this week, and my oldest had a birthday last week and just started a new job that involved a move.  I was reminded that life occasionally feels like you have been shot out of a cannon, and as my oldest friend used to add “without a net”! I know my kids will not always be happy having imaginary train trips on the stairs with all their animal friends. I know that soon the sand box at my mom’s will look like this:

 

And I know that I will look back at the time and wonder where the hell it went.
ADHD people often live life in a blur, we have a great time but sometimes in our rush to get to the next thing we forget to stop, and soak up life,  we are distracted.  Being distracted and busy can interfere with all of our relationships. Establishing respectful communication and listening skills are lessons kids learn best by practice and modeling.
I know if I want my kids to learn how to listen and focus, I need to stop and focus on them when they talk, to really listen, and ask questions if I don’t understand what they are trying to tell me. It is sometimes a struggle when I feel like I need/want to do fifty other things, besides stoping to read a book we have already read a least a hundred times, or listen to them telling me about an event at school.

My goal for myself is to slow down,  remembering to appreciate this time, when boo-boos can still be healed with a kiss. Exploring, getting your hands dirty, and playing are what life is.  I will take the time to do the little things, to ride a magic carpet made of cardboard, to sit in the playhouse and read books, and to stop and dig in the dirt with my kids if that is what they want to do. I can pretend it is for them, but really, it is for me.

In Praise of the Spiral Notebook

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In Praise of the Spiral Notebook
Wayne County Fair  2013

Today I am on the merry-go-round.  Going around in circles, wondering when the ride will be over,
can I really reach that brass ring with out falling off? My plan for a productive morning totally blown by snow, ice, more snow, and kids home from school. The precious 2 hours and 45 minutes I usually have to work on my current writing project? So not happening.
What do I do when my writing schedule is interrupted by children and other acts of nature beyond my control?  I grab a spiral notebook, the cheaper the better, and a pen. I leave it out where I can scribble down ideas that bubble up as I play with the kids, wash dishes, and watch the snow fall.

I have tried 3X5 cards and sticky notes but the kids and the dogs chew and eat them, respectively. If the cards/notes survived the omnivorous kids and dogs, I had a really bad habit of misplacing them or washing them.
For those of us with attention issues having a place to capture your flight of ideas is essential. Using something that does not depend on an external power source, is easily replaced and inexpensive is freeing.  Writing in my spiral notebook provides these five benefits.

  •  I feel as I am really working even if I am not at my computer, hammering away at my current  work in progress.
  •  I can capture thoughts and ideas for my work in progress and new story ideas.
  •  When I face the blinking cursor I have a clue what I wanted to write.
  •  I don’t have to worry that my notes will be lost, chewed on, or otherwise become unreadable, although I do advise NOT pointing a freshly fed infant at one’s research notebook!
  • A spiral notebook feels private in a way that electronic notes do not.
So am I an unrepentant Luddite? No. I love my Mac, and Evernote is my favorite app. Do I need a private, portable, unbreakable, cheap way to keep up with thoughts, ideas, scraps of information and whims that pass though my head on any given day. Yes, and I can buy them ten for a dollar at back to school sales.  Do you have a favorite way to capture your ideas? Are you rethinking your system? Do you have a system?

Do you have any 3X5 cards?