Monthly Archives: April 2014

Why I love The Bloggess AKA Jenny Lawson

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Hanoi Airport, 2009

This is the second installment in the year of Women’s Voices series and the featured voice belongs to Jenny Lawson aka The Bloggess. Her book Let’s Pretend This Never Happened ( A Mostly True Memoir  is funny, heartbreaking and full of weirdness.  Her memoir is an open discussion of her struggles with depression, distraction, and anxiety. I adored her twisted tales of family, love, death, and taxidermy.

As someone who has had my share of weird adventures that are tragic/comic, reading this book felt like I was a sitting in a bar with an old friend. In our family and in my circle of friends, when things are bleak, we always find something to laugh about, even if we end up crying at the same time. This book is like that. Be warned, some might find her humor and style offensive. If you are at all freaked out by discussions of taxidermy, this is not the book for you.  If you want to sample her writing style before committing to the book, check out her blog here  thebloggess.com .

As a writer, the lessons of story and craft that I gleaned from this book are:

  1.  Be honest, except when an exaggeration will make better copy.
  2. Swearing is okay if done artfully, and she is a freaking Picasso with curse words. For those of you who know me: she swears more than I do, which is saying a lot!
  3. Do not be afraid to talk about the hard things, for example: exhuming dead pets, losing a baby, and taxidermy puppets.
  4. No matter how weird it gets, it can get weirder, and funnier.
  5. Truth can be funnier than fiction.
As a fiction writer I don’t have any plans to write a memoir, but after reading Let’s Pretend This Never Happened: (A Mostly True Memoir),  I know that if I did, I would strive to be as funny and as honest as Jenny Lawson.
2014

Timers-Not just for Cooking

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Throw back Timer

Looking back over my posts on how to get things done when you have distraction issues, I talk a lot about using timers. I did not grow up in a home where kitchen timers were used. My mom never used one. I can’t smell the aroma of burnt rice, and not think of my mom. I am not sure when I figured out that the smoke alarm was a poor excuse for a kitchen timer.  I will tell you this: using timers when cooking transformed my kitchen skills.

 For years I used the alarm settings on my digital watch, now I use the timer on my phone because it is loud enough I can hear it over the usual pre-schooler chaos in my house.  A timer does not serve you if you can not hear it.  An added feature of using my phone is the ability to set multiple alarms.

ADD-Friendly Ways to Organize Your Life by J. Kolberg and K. Nadeau (Buy the book here)  has a very good explanation of how using timers assists ADD/ADHD individuals with time/life management. I found this book at a time when I was really struggling with keeping things together, and it remains one of the most helpful books I have ever read.  My copy is well-worn and tabbed. These are some of the ways I learned to use timers and alarms to overcome my distraction issues.

 Cooking. This is the most obvious, and common use for timers.  When I don’t use my phone, I have a kitchen timer that has a clip so you can clip it to your clothes, and take it with you.This is very helpful for those of us who decide in the middle of fixing dinner that some household project needs to be started/finished, etc.  I am really partial to the digital ones that count down from when the alarm goes off so if you can’t get to the oven at the precise moment things are done you know how long it has been since you missed the alarm.

Laundry.  I  use a timer when doing laundry, and this cuts down on the “Damn- how long has this load of laundry been in here?!” factor, and rewashing clothes because you got distracted while doing the laundry. It also keeps the laundry moving, taking advantage of the residual heat in the dryer.

Writing. I use a timer when I do sprints, challenging myself to write 1000 words in one hour,  and when I am breaking up my writing time by devoting set times to different works-in-progress. I also set an alarm to remind me to pick up the kids. This lets me focus on my writing and not worry that I am going to be late picking them up from school. When you only have 2.45 hours of kid-free writing time you have to make every second count.

Cleaning up with the kids. We set the timer and play beat the clock, racing around trying to see who can pick up the most toys. It makes picking up the toys more fun, although it can get pretty competitive and sometimes we have to stop to break up the melee that results.

 Any task that I really do not want to do.  I set the timer for ten minutes and give myself permission to quit after ten minutes if I want to do something else. Most often, I get over myself and just finish the dang thing because I want to get it over with after I started it.

Exercise. I set the timer when I exercise so that I can focus on the exercise itself.  There are some great exercise program apps that have timers built in. Using a timer instead of counting reps for exercises allows you to work at your own pace, and tailor the workout to your fitness level. These programs also are body weight programs and do not require equipment. My favorite apps are The Seven Minute Workout (free) ,  and YAYOG ( You Are Your Own Gym- $).

There are many timers on the market for people with ADD/ADHD.  For children, these are wearable timers that look, and function like a digital watch, with the added benefit of vibration so the alarm can be discreet, and kids can wear them to school. The Watchminder is also marketed to adults/seniors. Using timers with kids can decrease the parent nag/kid resist behavior loop.

 Wearable timers designed for use by adults/kids have the ability to set multiple alarms, some also function as count-down timers, and stop watches.  These timers are great to use with kids too young to use phones, non-smart phone users, kids/adults whose phones are a distraction, and kids/adults that work in environments that do not allow cell phones.

Using timers with kids with distraction issues, organizational issues, or  ADD/ADHD is a great way to help them focus, learn to monitor their own behavior, and teach them ways to overcome their distraction issues.  Learning self-management is a great self-esteem booster for kids. For parents, using timers with kids decreases parent stress by letting kids take responsibility for their behavior.

Learning to use timers changed my life in very positive ways.  Timers decrease stress in my life. If you haven’t tried using timers, experiment with them. See if they make a difference for you.

Geeky but functional.

Irregular schedules and Ten Time Management Tips

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OH Yeah I OWN it! (Much to my wife’s dismay.)

Time. The most difficult thing in the world to get a handle on if you have an irregular schedule. Add in distraction issues, and you have a wonderful recipe for always being “a day late and a dollar short” as my mom often says.

 I have had an irregular schedule for most of my adult life. I have worked all three shifts at one time or another, worked 8 hour shifts, 10 hour shifts, 12 hour shifts, and everything in-between. I have gone to work on days when I was not scheduled, and not showed up when I was scheduled.  I have missed events, been early for events, and scrambled to make deadlines.

As difficult as it is to manage time for yourself, when you add one, more little people, the challenges of getting everyone where they are supposed to be with: appropriate clothes, homework, lunches, wallet, purse, backpack, book bags, show and tell items, etc.  multiply like rabbits in spring.

In my quest to find a system of time management, I wasted a lot of time trying to follow different popular organizational systems (Getting Things Done, 7 Habits, etc.) before I realized that most well promoted organizational systems are written by men who assumed that: 1) everyone works Monday -Friday, 9-5;  and 2) that there is a wife and/or staff somewhere taking care of the house, food shopping, cooking, bills, and the kids.
No time management system developed by a man has any reference about how to manage and integrate childcare, kids activity schedules, house maintenance, grocery shopping, cooking, laundry, caring for older family members, or suggestions about what to do if your kid gets sick, you need to go get them from school and you have 3 meetings scheduled. Knowing a fair number of men that are active participants in the care and maintenance of homes and children, these systems would not work for them either.

 The following tips are gleaned from my personal experiences, and various time management resources. My favorites are the classic by Julia Morgenstern’s Time Management from the Inside Out (buy the book here)  and  ADD-Friendly Ways to Organize Your Life by Judith Kolbery and Kathleen Nadeau (buy the book here).   Both books embrace the fact that people (read most often women) work AND have other responsibilities.

These are my top ten tips to save time. Some of them might save you money too.

  1. I lay out my clothes, and get the kids’ to pick out their clothes for the next day the night before. This saves fuss and bother in the morning about what to wear. In my house we can settle who’s turn it is to wear the purple owl socks the night before and avoid tears before school.
  2. Pack all lunches, book bags, your bag, etc. the night before. If you have leftovers, pack them into lunch size containers when you clean up from dinner. This saves time and money, not buying lunch and using up leftovers. 
  3. Have a family calendar posted where everyone can see it. For parents of teens, if you  work shifts, you may want to withhold your work schedule. Keeps the kids on their toes!
  4. Make a meal plan, use it! NO,  really it does help, the last thing I want to think about at dinner time is what to make.  Make sure you schedule really easy meals on nights that are busy, or you get home late. 
  5. Use the alarms and reminders on your phone. This has saved me from being late picking the kids up more than once. I can also really focus on what I am doing instead of looking at the clock every five minutes.
  6. Keep a running grocery list. Use it. Train your kids and spouse to use it. This saves you time by not having to run to the grocery store every five minutes because you are out of something.
  7. Limit your Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Instagram, Google Plus time.  Hide the icons on your phone, heck, hide your phone if you need to! We all know how much time can be frittered away on social media. Pick your time, set a timer, and make yourself put your phone down.
  8. Stop hitting the snooze button. Really. Get up, and get going. You will not get the time back, and that extra snooze time is not worth the stress. 
  9. Let go of perfection. Good enough is often good enough. Stop wasting time trying to copy those Perfect Pinterest pictures and get on with your life.
  10. Use a planner. Plan creative time to pursue your projects. Plan time to be with your spouse/partner. Plan Family time. Remember the housework will always be there. Enjoy the people in your life.
Do these tips work all the time? Am I perfectly organized, never late and always prepared? No. Recently, as I was driving the kids to school, I looked in the rear view mirror and I realized that no had combed their hair, including me! I do the best I can. And carry a comb.

Life is a journey of constant corrections to stay on course. Sail On.

I would like to say that every morning before school is like this, but that would be a lie.

Geek Love Or What Would You do for Love?

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Vietnam 2009

Thank you Liza Barry-Kessler for suggesting this book. I have had it on my to-read list for quite awhile.  Written by Katherine Dunn, and published in 1989 this is a gut- punch of a book.  As a lover of sideshows and all things freakish, I loved this book. Be warned, it is not for the faint of heart or those who are disturbed by graphic descriptions of human wonders. As an exploration of the theme “who are the freaks here” it exemplifies what we love and hate about ourselves and each other.

As a blatant gender non-conformer and heavily tattooed person I have often felt like my own sideshow. This book will resonate with anyone who has ever felt like an outsider, alone, freakish, uncool, and/or weird.  It will also resonate with those of us who are happy in their differences, reveling in their own brand of freakishness. It will resonate with those of us who believe that the great joke is on those who believe that they are superior, simply because they are “normal”.  It is also a love story, asking the eternal question “what would you do for love?”

As a writer I am impressed with Dunn’s ability to create characters that you love and loathe, sometimes simultaneously. The characters in Dunn’s book are unique, multilayered, and anything but typical.  The art of giving your readers characters that they care about enough to find out what happens next is the essence of story telling.  Dunn’s ability to weave plot events and character story arcs in meticulous detail  is a literary demonstration of the Butterfly Effect. I also loved Dunn’s voice, her language is graphic, visual and rich with out being gaudy or poetic.

I have very vivid memories of finally being old enough to go into the sideshow.  It was love at first sight, and I could not get enough. I went through that sideshow tent three times, mesmerized by the human wonders, and geek shows.  I am as captivated by Dunn’s book as I was my first sideshow, I know I will read it again.

Have your read Geek Love? Did it resonate? What would you do for love?

 

Simp Heister Wayne County Fair 2013